Thursday, April 30, 2009


Just heard on the Scottish news that the couple with the swine flu have just been discharged from hospital. They were whisked away in seperate cars to meet their publicist -

Max 'Cunting' Clifford

Taysiders in Space

Rab visits the dole office

From cabinet minister to council joiner. They're all at it.


The above headline was screaming across the front page of the local rag when I popped into the newsagents this morning. I had a quick scan of the story and bought the paper.

I was going to put a link to the story on this post but the story is not on the paper's web site. Strange, considering it is the lead story in their dead tree version.

In a nutshell, Audit Scotland has conducted an investigation into the activities of the council's Building and Works boss after a sub contractor 'blew the whistle' on work being done at his home.

This has opened a can of worms, with numerous tradesmen from the council being interviewed. The outcome of these interviews show that for years the following abuses have been going on at the tax payers expense.

- The boss has been using council employees to carry out improvements to his home.

- Middle managers have been living in a comfort zone.

- Encouragement of a 'black economy' culture.

- Payment of bonuses to employees regardless if targets have been met.

- Overtime being paid when none is worked.

- Managers having 'favourite' employees who are used for 'homers'.

The boss resigned in December last year.

I suppose the above is another example of what goes on in the public sector. I'm sure it's not an isolated incident and no doubt is repeated up in down the land in some form or another.

From basic inefficiencies to downright thievery, it's a cancer that needs cutting out from all areas of the public sector. You and I pay for it through no choice of our own. We should demand a root and branch overhaul of ALL areas of the decrepit, decaying and downright dishonest public sector.

As for the 646, well, it's within the rules innit.

Pots and kettles

Anti-poverty firm attacked by MPs

The "extraordinary" £1m-a-year salary for the head of a government-owned company set up to combat developing world poverty has been attacked by MPs.

The salary of CDC Group chief executive Richard Laing rose from £383,000 in 2003 to £970,000 in 2007, the Commons Public Accounts committee found.

What a bunch of hypocritical bastards the 646 are.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A prophecy of doom

Builders find Auschwitz message

Builders working near the site of the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp have found a message in a bottle written by prisoners, museum officials say.

The cork was still in the bottle when found. Excited museum officials opened and read out the message at a press conference early today.

The message, written by an inmate of the camp, said -

I had a dream. A vivid, horrible dream. A vision of what is to come to this place in 65 years time.

This god forsaken place is to be visited. Visited by a demon amongst men, reviled and hated by all. Disaster follows in his wake. A man that doom and blackness envelopes.

I write this message in the hope that he reads it, as I will not be around to tell him myself.

My message to the demon is, "Gorgon, do us all a favour and fuck off you cunt"

Historians at the museum are busy deciphering the message and hope to publish their findings soon.

My extended 'family'

I've got some time off work at the moment. Not due back 'till next week. I can catch up with all those little jobs that need doing, like lying on the sofa and watching day time telly. I have always been employed, worked full time since I was sixteen. My job is pretty much recession proof so I have never signed on. I used to be proud of this little fact. Not any more.

In the street where we live, there must be well over one hundred houses. A few are empty, after all it's not exactly a highly desirable area. But the houses are large well built homes, dating from the 30's, with large gardens. By my estimations there are only a handfull of families like my household. Working families.

I work hard to provide for my family, I don't expect a pat on the back nor should I get one. It's what you are supposed to do. It's what generations of men have done in times past.

Now here's the rub. Apparently I have an extended family. A family I didn't even know I had. A family whose names I don't know. A family I support via my hard work. A family I support through no choice of my own.

I put food in their bellies. I support their offspring. I support their habits, legal or otherwise. I pay for the roof over their heads. I put the latest fashion on their backs, the new trainers on their feet. I pay for the medical care they receive, the detox programme they may be on. I pay for their entertainment. I pay for their sky telly and 50" plasma telly. I pay for their dogs that shit in my garden. I pay for their broken windows and doors.

If the righteous do gooders are to be believed, this family of mine do not choose to live in this fashion. They are 'victims'. Bless. My area has been designated a 'deprived' area. It has been given a label. The victims are delighted, after all they have been labelled, so surely they can't be blamed. It's the fault of others. Not them. No.

If it was up to me, I would label the area as 'depraved' other than 'deprived'.

It makes me sick.

Nanny swings into action

According to Pravda, every home in the UK is to get a leaflet delivered giving advice about how to prevent swine flu.

Thank fuck for the Nanny State. With me being a fuckwit I wouldn't have had a clue what to do.

Maybe I shouldn't have allowed everyone on the bus to sneeze into my face yesterday. D'oh!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Mr Daltrey gives flu advice

WHO raises swine flu alert level

Roger Daltrey, renowned 60's catterwaller for the popular musical combo 'The Who', has raised the alert level for the swine flu pandemic from 'Don't worry, it's only affecting non white foreigners' to 'Fuck me, it's over here'.

In a statement issued by his secretary/nurse, he stated, "Flu can be nasty at the best of times, but for people of my g g g g g g generation it's fucking deadly".

He goes on to list a series of common sense measures that the public can take in order to protect themselves. These include, -

Binning any packets of Doritos that may be in your cupboards

Avoiding the 'Old El Paso' section of your local supermarket

Killing all donkeys

Ensuring that your kids don't watch any Speedy Gonzales cartoons

Make sure you pronounce tortillas as 'tor till az' and not 'tort eea'

Destroying any Jennifer Lopez CDs and DVDs you may own, even though she is not Mexican but you can't be too carefull.

The other long term member of the Who was unavailable for comment as he was too busy looking at kiddie porn on the internet while 'researching' for his 'book'.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Peel must be spinning in his grave

Sir Robert Peel's Nine Points of Policing

  • The basic mission for which the police exist is to prevent crime and disorder.
  • The ability of the police to perform their duties is dependent upon public approval of police actions.
  • Police must secure the willing co-operation of the public in voluntary observance of the law to be able to secure and maintain the respect of the public.
  • The degree of co-operation of the public that can be secured diminishes proportionately to the necessity of the use of physical force.
  • Police seek and preserve public favour not by catering to public opinion but by constantly demonstrating absolute impartial service to the law.
  • Police use physical force to the extent necessary to secure observance of the law or to restore order only when the exercise of persuasion, advice and warning is found to be insufficient.
  • Police, at all times, should maintain a relationship with the public that gives reality to the historic tradition that the police are the public and the public are the police; the police being only members of the public who are paid to give full-time attention to duties which are incumbent on every citizen in the interests of community welfare and existence.
  • Police should always direct their action strictly towards their functions and never appear to usurp the powers of the judiciary.
  • The test of police efficiency is the absence of crime and disorder, not the visible evidence of police action in dealing with it.
Looking at the above points, which are the very foundation of policing in the UK, how many are relevant to the police 'service' we have today?

The bottom line is, we do not have a police force in this country, it is rapidly morphing into a paramilitary force of which a Central American banana republic would be proud.

Uniforms were designed in order that they could not be confused with the military. Look at the aggressive and intimidating uniforms of today. Add this to the politicalisation of the police, they are the governments play thing as demonstrated at G20. Then we have ACPO.

I'm sure there are many officers who do their best under a mountain of paperwork and silly targets, led by fools who have been fast tracked to promotion due to having a degree in some irrelevant subject. But the public support for the boys and girls in blue is fast eroding and who can blame the public? The images we have seen and the reports we read on the news do nothing for their reputation as 'the best police in the world'.

Being the cynical bastard that I am, I think all the 'negative' publicity the police have suffered in recent times is a carefully orchestrated plan for an end game which has still to become apparent.
I think we are being conditioned into seeing the police as the enemy and the public are being whipped into a frenzy by some unseen group. The police are being manipulated too, with senior officers declaring that a summer of riots will soon be upon us and civil unrest training courses being thrust upon the rank and file. The regular frontline police all have itchy 'baton fingers' these days. Robust and firm policing tactics spouted by the police chiefs filter down the chain of command until it reaches the front line, where it seen as a license for thuggery.

I occasionally read a few police officer blogs. A good read most of the time, but in the aftermath of the G20 demonstrations an ugly side has emerged. Most of the commenters, naturally, are serving police officers or retired. In the comments a lot of the officers lament that all they have are 'hollow metal batons, cs spray and an open handed slap' to control the great unwashed. They look jealously at their continental cousins with their water cannon and tear gas.

I hope I am wrong. I hope that I am too cynical for my own good, but I fear the worst.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

More Nanny State Meddling

Bill set to expose gender pay gap

Harriet Harman
Ms Harman says the recession is no excuse to leave inequalities unchecked

Many employers are to be made to reveal how much male staff are paid compared with their female colleagues, under legislation to be published later.

The Equality Bill aims to tackle discrimination against a range of groups including women, the elderly, and those from lower social classes.

It will also make it a legal duty of public bodies in England and Wales to address social inequalities.

The Conservatives have described the plans as "class war attacks"


Fuck me, here we go again. The piece that really sticks out is -

It will also make it a legal duty of public bodies in England and Wales to address social inequalities.

Cue more interference from local authority busybody fuckwits to stick their nose where it's not wanted. Paid for by you and I, the council tax payers.

Full story here.

They just can't help themselves, can they?

Cameron is a drip

The 'Leader of the Opposition' gave, what was supposed to be, the most important speech of his political career today.

Well, I must have missed something. All I could see was his mouth opening and shutting and all I could hear was 'blah blah blah'.

A missed opportunity methinks. Not once did he metaphorically grab me by the nuts and make me listen.

With all the ammunition he has at his disposal, particularly following the bodge-it budget, he just did not cut it as a strong leader in waiting. When I was a lad Margaret Thatcher transfixed me when she was on the telly. I was too young to understand what she was saying, (I was only nine or ten), but I knew a strong leader when I saw and heard one. It was she who got me interested in politics, even though I did not understand politics at the time, (and probably still don't!).

He is just a clone of Bliar, and not a very good one at that. A 'Blair-lite' if you will. He should be shouting and screaming about the inept government we have, kicking them in the ribs at every chance. Every political headline tomorrow should scream the same sound bite. But they won't.

He just washes over you when he should be shouting in your face.

Come on Mr Leader of the Opposition, you can do better than that.

I have enough boobies to support

Little snippet in the news today.

Michelle Mone, the boss of the Ultimo underwear brand, has announced that she will no longer be supporting NuLieBore.

Reading between the lines, I suppose she has enough tits to support.

I see no petition (or shirts)

As the petition for the Prime Mentalist to go gathers apace, (otherwise known as 'Gordon Gordon Gordon - Out Out Out), it's nice to see it get a mention in the dead tree press .

Even our 'Send a shirt to Gordon' campaign gets a mention along with Old Holborn who is credited, quite rightly, with starting the shirt campaign.

What caught my attention was the quote from a Downing Street gimp, 'We have not received any shirts'. Lying bastard. I sent mine on Wednesday afternoon.

I wonder when Gorgon will have his 'Nelson' moment. Putting the telescope to his blind eye and declaring, 'I see no petition, or shirts'.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Old Sandy has a break in

It was late afternoon on a nice spring day when Sandy made it home from the pensioners club. He visited the club two or three times a week and enjoyed the company. Being one of the few males at the club meant he was the attention for a few of the old dear's affections, which he relished, although he would never admit it.

Turning the key in the door he pushed it open. He knew straight away something was wrong as his cat shot out the door like a bat out of hell. He had 'visitors' when he was out.

A few hours later, the polis turned up. (After all, they had motorists to harrass and demonstrators to 'kettle').

"Anything missing Sandy?" asked the officer.

"Aye son" rasped Sandy, "Ma wee telly and video, ma war medals and ma pension book".

The officer duly noted down the missing items in his notebook.

"But that's no the worst o it son", said Sandy, beckoning him to the kitchen. Pointing at a pot sitting on the stove old Sandy wailed, "the durty bastards shat into ma pot o stew".

Shocked, the officer blurted out, "that's fucking disgusting...."

"A know son, a know" said Sandy, with a tear in his eye, "a hud to chuck hauf o it oot".

footnote - I know it's an old tale, but it makes me smile everytime I hear it!

footnote 2 - The comments button appears to be fecked on this post.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

It costs more to live in Shitsville

I was having a perusal through the local rag earlier, seeing who is dead, who is in court etc.

Normally I just flick through, but because I was really really bored, I started reading all the car adverts, the estate agents adverts and the tat folks are trying to sell. Usual run of the mill stuff.

One section in particular caught my eye and started me thinking. The section to endure my beady eye for a half hour or so was the 'TO LET' page, just after the estate agency pages. It made interesting reading.

The following two adverts are fairly typical, both are the same kind of house (three bedroom, garden). One is in a quiet part of town, all privately owned by professional types. The other is an ex council house in a 'less desirable' area of town, surrounded by feral dogs/washing machines in the gardens/woman going to the shop whilst wearing pyjamas at 3pm. You get the jist.

Advert one - Three bedroom house - £500 pcm

Advert two - Three bedroom house - £425 pcm. Deposit and refs req.

Now, hazard a guess as to where each of the above houses are. The first one is the ex council and the second is in the quiet area.

Pretty much all of the to let adverts are the same. The ex council/middle of shitsville houses are more expensive to rent on a like for like basis versus the houses in the nicer areas.

The reason? Housing benefit.

Landlords know that tenants who will live in Shitsville are more likely to be on benefits and price up the rental accordingly safe in the knowledge that the council will cough up.

The council decide what is a 'fair' rent according to various criteria, one of which is the average rental price of other properties in any given area. All the ex council houses have, give or take, the same rent in Shitsville. Thus the council cough up.

I hope the 'efficiency' savings Badger Darling mentioned in his bodge-it budget extend to sorting this blatant abuse of the system.

1940's, 50's, 60's and 70's !

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags..

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds, KFC, Subway or Nandos.

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death!

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up frogs with.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......


We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.??

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY,
No video/DVD films,
No mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms...........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
Lawsuits from these accidents

Only girls had pierced ears!

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time..

We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

RUGBY and FOOTBALL had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and 'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO

And YOU are one of them!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Tip of the manky bandage to 'Yvette's Balls' (commenter on Old Holborn)

My cat gives his budget opinion

I didn't realise my cat was aware that yesterday was bodge-it budget day, so imagine my surprise when I noticed that he expressed his opinion on the Chancers speech yesterday.

He threw up and shat on the kitchen floor.

Says it all really...

Congrats Nightjack

A huge congratulations to Nightjack for winning the Orwell Prize for blogs.

If you haven't stumbled upon his writings, may I suggest you have a peek here as his blog will be closing down at the end of the month.

I have read his blog since he started it and it is well worth reading. The best of the police blogs out there, by a mile.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Send Gordon your shirt!

Send Gordon your shirt Campaign

Got an old shirt?

Send it directly to:

Gordon Brown
10, Downing Street

Saves him ripping it off your fucking back.

Tip of the manky bandage to Old Holborn.

UPDATE: The Libertarian Party are going to run this as a campaign . Wouldn't it be great if Downing Street received a few thousand shirts off peoples backs in the post this week?
Do it. Find an old shirt, stuff it in an envelope and spend a £1 sending it to the man who is costing your grandchildren thousands.

Rab C. Update - I've just sent mine. Do your bit, send yours!



What a stunning budget.

A 50% tax rate, a cheap political shot which will raise pretty much fuck all in order to appease the mongs and to ensure their vote.

Efficiency savings for the public sector. (So basically an admission that it is bloated and hopeless).

A car scrappage allowance which means absolutely nothing.

What else? Oh, nearly forgot-

£175 billion debt! (and that's just his forecast)

More reasons to vote for NuLieBore...

Because I want to see more of my hard-earned money thrown at the feckless and the lazy.

Because I want to have a CCTV camera on every street corner watching me from dawn to dusk.

Because I want my child to leave school without having a decent education.

Because I want to see my relatives die in an NHS hospital from infections and/or malnutrition and/or proper care and treatment.

Because I want to see thousands of dead foreign civilians.

Because I want the right to have my head kicked in/shot off by unaccountable and unidentifiable Police officers.

Because I want to live in an undemocratic European Super-state.

Because I want to have my emails read and then lost by some apparatchik in Whitehall and/or the local Council.

Because I want to be sure I'm going to have absolutely nothing to show for all my hard years of work when I retire.

Because I believe children having children is perfectly acceptable.

Because I want to go back to travelling round the country on a donkey.

Because I want to be told what to do, what to eat, what to drink and what to think.

Because I want to see my glorious political leaders lapping it up with their gold-plated pensions and their multiple homes with round the clock porn showing on 50" plasma screens.

Because I want to see the poor get poorer and the rich get richer.

Because I want to see our boys being sent off to some foreign land to fight a pointless war and get killed because they haven't got the proper equipment.

Because I want to be fined for just walking down the street minding my own business.

Because I want to spy on my neighbours and be suspicious of everyone.

Because I want to see real crime go unpunished and pensioners locked up for not paying their taxes.

Because I want to be treated with absolute contempt when I grow old.

Because I want to be afraid.

Tip of the manky bandage to Lord Elvis of Paisley.

Feel free to add any more reasons...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Lazy, lazy troughing bastards

Our hard working Members of Parliament are to enjoy a 12 week summer break!

Well, let's face it, with all the dosh they have claimed for themselves they probably need all that time to spend it.

Clearly troughing, smearing, lying and backstabbing take it out of them. Lazy bastards.

Horse, Stable, Door etc

Latest from the prime Mentalist here

So he wants to overhaul the expenses system then?

Too little too late, you knob.

Sword fighting season open!

The recent bout of fair weather has prompted the bringing forward of the summer sword fighting season, a spokesman for the North Ayrshire Swordfighting Tournament Invigilators, (NASTI), announced earlier today.

Traditionally, the season starts in May when reasonable weather can be expected, but the combination of sunshine and shirtless drunken locals roaming the streets in Mid April has unexpectedly kicked off the season.

This year the use of bottles, particularly Buckfast bottles, have been banned as a point scoring weapon due to the large amounts of bevvy spilt last year. Purists of the sport welcomed this announcement and hopes are high that the sport goes 'back to basics' with the sole use of bladed weapons.

Sadly, last years champion, Big Tam McBam, is unable to defend his crown as he is currently in a coma in the local general hospital after a particularly nasty glassing incident suffered in the town's Weatherspoons pub. His partner is still in police custody after being charged in connection with the incident.

The blood transfusion service have launched the annual 'Please give blood' campaign earlier than usual and have set up their mobile unit in Morrison's car park.

A spokesman for Strathclyde Police this morning said, 'Aww fuck, no again'.

Lets reward the scumbags

Tucked away in the Scottish local news this morning is an all round wank fest of self congratulations and back slapping in the guise of a project called 'Saturday Sportscene'.

Basically, each Saturday night 'activities' are organised to keep the feral youth off the streets and entertained, at the tax payers cost, in swimming pools/sports halls etc.

The BBC reports...

As part of the Saturday SportScene project young people have been offered free swimming, skating, football, basketball and dance sessions.

Research showed a 34% drop in reports of youth disorder when the activities were taking place.

An event to mark the success of the project was held earlier this month.

More than 700 youngsters from across the region gathered at Wishaw Sports Centre for the Big Bash.

Former Celtic and Motherwell player Andy Walker, his former Scotland team mate Tom Boyd, and current Motherwell striker David Clarkson hosted the sporting event.

Saturday SportScene is partnership project provided by North Lanarkshire Leisure Ltd, North Lanarkshire Council, Strathclyde Police, NHS Lanarkshire and the North Lanarkshire Community Safety Partnership.

The programme has been proven to greatly reduce reports of youth crime and antisocial behaviour

Young people take part in a programme of free activities at Airdrie Leisure Centre, Shotts Leisure Centre, Sir Matt Busby Sports Complex, Bellshill, and the Tryst Sports Centre in Cumbernauld between 6pm and 10pm on a Saturday evening.

Blane Dodds, chief executive of North Lanarkshire Leisure Ltd said: "The programme has been proven to greatly reduce reports of youth crime and antisocial behaviour and has been very successful in engaging the young people in fun, sporting activities that they may well not have had the opportunity to take part in."

Councillor Jim Logue, chair of North Lanarkshire Leisure Ltd, said: "The Saturday SportScene project has become a major success story.

"It helps address some of the concerns regarding young people's anti-social behaviour and provides an opportunity to get the kids of North Lanarkshire off the streets and into fun and healthy sporting activities."


If I was a council tax payer in this part of the country I would be going bananas! Why the fuck is tax payers money being used to babysit little bastards who seem to think an evenings entertainment is smashing up the local swing park?

And another thing, since when is it okay to reward this behaviour? Because that is what's happening.

Here's an idea. Why don't the police and the courts deal with them properly? Why aren't the parent(s) held to account?

Of course! Silly me. The little darlings are VICTIMS.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Budget leak - EXCLUSIVE

It has emerged this morning that Alistair Darling has been keeping an ace up his sleeve ready for Wednesday's budget announcement.

In order to balance the country's books and maintain public spending levels at the current rate, he has applied for a doorstep loan from Provident Personal Credit, or a 'Provi loan' as it is known in Glasgow.

If succesfull, the sight of Agnes the local collection agent whose 'territory' includes Downing Street will be a familiar figure to millions as she is pictured knocking on the door of number 11 each Friday evening between 7.30 and 8.00pm. A spokesman for the city said last night, 'We will be keeping a keen eye on number 11 each week. The first time that he pretends he is not in when Agnes chaps the door will be a signal to the country that we are really fucked and I will be moving what's left of my capital to Switzerland'.

Although still to be confirmed, the terms for the loan equate to £50 a week over 265,965 years.

A spokesman for the treasury refused to confirm or deny the rumour last night, but did say, 'if we get the knockback we will need to see Big Steve the loan shark down the pub'.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Tax credits encourage the idle

At work I am a senior department head with direct responsibility for nearly 30 staff who report directly to me. Not all of them are full time, the nature of my employment means that the industry relies on part timers due to the long trading hours and to cover sickness/holidays etc.

Now, most of the part timers would rip your arm off for extra hours, which are available pretty much every other week. However, there is a certain group of hard core part time workers who refuse to work over their contracted hours. Fair enough, they can't be forced to, (although I always remember when any 'favours' are asked of me), but when asked why not the reason always makes me so bloody angry.

The reason?


This 'hardcore' always consist of the same type of person. They are married or living with a partner, have children and are male.

The younger part timers still living at home with Mum and Dad gladly take the extra hours, after all they don't get the luxury of tax credits, and quite rightly so.

We all know that our hard earned tax money helps to finance the benefits class who use the system as a lifestyle choice, but how many of us know that we also finance the lifestyle of the 'working idle'?

The system is all wrong.

For Gordon...

Just in case you need it, the phone number for the samaritans is

08457 90 90 90

Friday, April 17, 2009


'nuf said... tip of the manky bandage to Old Holborn.

May the force be with you

In the news today -

Eight police officers serving with Scotland's largest force listed their official religion as Jedi in voluntary diversity forms, it has emerged.

Strathclyde Police said the officers and two of its civilian staff claimed to follow the faith, which features in the Star Wars movies.

The details were obtained in a Freedom of Information request by Jane's Police Review.

Strathclyde was the only force in the UK to admit it had Jedi officers.

In the Star Wars films, Jedi Knights such as Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Yoda use the Force to battle the evil Darth Vader, who has strayed to the dark side.

Jane's Police Review editor Chris Herbert, who requested the information, said: "The Force appears to be strong in Strathclyde Police with their Jedi police officers and staff.

"Far from living a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, some members of the noble Jedi order have now chosen Glasgow and its surrounding streets as their home."


Having had the pleasure of meeting many Glaswegians over the years, I can safely say that any Jedi Knights would feel at home in Glasgow.

Value for money...

Last week, it took three council workmen three full days to erect twelve feet of fencing.

Lazy, lazy bastards.

And they get away with it. Good to see my council tax money being used so effectively.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Is the RRU turning on Dear Leader?

I spend many an enjoyable(!) minute or two trying to spot members of the infamous Rapid Rebuttal Unit that are gainfully employed by the spinmeisters over at Lieborelost that crawl the interweb ready to unleash the party spin at the first sign of any 'alternative' viewpoint.

They are very easy to spot, not only from the obvious drivel that they excrete, but from the highly imaginative user names, hidden profiles etc. I quite enjoy the occasional taunting that they receive, quite rightly so, from other commenters.

Today I have noticed, (perhaps I am imagining it, but I don't think so), that there seems to be a bit of dissent aimed towards the prime mentalist from, what I am sure is, the RRU.

It looks like the faithfull rotweiller so beloved and so well used by the Liebore chiefs has turned against its masters. The dark forces that bubble underneath the shamefull excuse for a government seem to be stirring against the Dear Leader.

Watch this space.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bitch Fit

In the news today...

North Korea have had a bitch fit over what Pyongyang say is an 'unbealable insult' and have threatened to wok out on international talks to end its nuclear ploglamme and said it would lestore its nuclear leactor.

However, I can reveal the real reason they have spat out the dummy.

As part of the international carrot dangled in front of their noses, a branch of MacDonalds was to open in the capital at the end of this year. After intense negotiation lasting several minutes, a MacDonalds spokesclown said, 'unfortunately, we have decided not to open a restaurant in Pyongyang due to issues with the menu. Our supply chain is unable to source enough spaniel meat that meets our high standards'.

Apparently, the vast majority of spaniels in North Korea are scrawny fleabags.Well the ones that have not been eaten so far are.

Hopes that a last gasp deal was about to be struck were dashed when a North Korean government spokesgimp said, 'Bulga King?, No thanks, they shit'.

Monday, April 13, 2009

The 2 Dummies

How DARE they be in power.

Most weeks, I buy the local paper and most weeks in the 'Letters to the Editor' page, amongst the usual stuff, can be found the snipings of the local political brigade. This, of course, has been going on for as long as I can remember but over the past couple of years it has taken a different slant.

For well over a generation, the local authority (in its various incarnations) has been Labour controlled. Well, up to the last local elections when power was handed over to the SNP.

To their credit, (I am not a supporter of the SNP, lets get that out in the open!), the council have been busy trying to make things better in my town, re-generating the town centre, encouraging retailers to come to town, doing up old buildings etc. You get the picture.

Anyone reading the letters page in the local rag could be forgiven that the current state of the town is the fault of the current party in power, not the previous 30+ years of Labour decay and neglect. The sheer cheek and bitterness that seeps from the labour drones and ex councillors who write in is simply staggering, but what really rips my knitting is the sheer disbelief that someone else apart from us is in charge that seems to be the underlying tone of the drivel that gets published.

Labour letter writers have attacked the SNP controlled council for the state of the town centre, the roads, the schools and the local parks/sports grounds. What they do not seem to grasp is the problems stemmed from the previous party in power, them! They did bugger all when in power as they took the voting public for granted, sleeping sound in their beds knowing that the electorate would sleepwalk into voting for them again.

But last time they didn't vote for them and the stunned disbelief has turned into them throwing their toys out the pram on the letters page in the local rag.

What a shower they are.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

You can run, but you can't hide...

It's well enough known that here in the UK we have the highest amount of CCTV cameras per head of population. You walk the streets, you are being watched. You go shopping, you are being watched. You go to work, you are being watched. Likewise if you visit the doctor. Even taking a bus journey.

Every part our life is monitored in one way or the other, not just by CCTV which I'm sure most people are aware of and accept as a 'crime fighting' tool to keep us 'safe' while we go about our business.

But, there are many other ways we are being watched.

Do you have a supermarket loyalty card? Your supermarket knows everything about you and your shopping habits. They will know, for instance, when your wife or girlfriend is due her 'monthly visitor'. If you happen to buy a pregnancy test kit, their database will be ready to unleash coupons and leaflets to your address advertising their baby club etc. They sell all data collected on you to third party organisations. They know your likes and dislikes. They know when you have a bit more spare cash one month because you bought yourself some treats or some extra beer when shopping.

When you go to fill the car up, the majority of petrol stations record and store every car registration number at the pumps. This is in addition to the usual CCTV.

The police when out on patrol in their nice fancy traffic car collect and check every registration number they happen upon, using ANPR technology. Apparently this is a good thing, if the unending propoganda on the multitude of cop shows on TV is to believed.

Even your loyal mobile phone betrays you. Your location can be tracked to the nearest phone mast.

On Monday past, every phone call and text message, every e mail sent and received, every internet page looked at and all browsing habits started to be recorded/logged/analysed.

We are all numbers in the system, National Insurance numbers, NHS numbers, Passport numbers etc.

I'm sure there is more.

It sure is good living in a 'free' country.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The cheek of the council

A while back I was in town and being the observant (nosey) person that I am I noticed something that perhaps would slip under the radar of other less observant (nosey) folk.

I was in a car park just off the main street, which hugged the rear of the strip of shops/offices/banks etc. Nothing particularly unusual about this, a scene no doubt repeated countless times up and down the land. What caught my eye was something immediately to the rear of the local council housing office, which was not on any of the other premises which bordered the car park.

At the end of several car parking spaces the council had installed signs, not, as the spaces are right next to the building and thus nearest the doors, disabled parking only which you might expect to see and have no problem with. They installed signs which barked 'Council employees only'. Closer inspection revealed that the same order was painted on the actual spaces themselves, where you would expect to find a wheelchair painted on the ground.

No other business around the car park has this luxury for their employees. Everyone who worked in town had to take their chance and park wherever they could. Not for them the luxury of working for the council with a gold plated pension and job for life with the added bonus of guaranteed parking three steps from the front door! Pretty much all other council offices have the same 'privelage'. It's not right.

When I mentioned this to a few workmates, they just shrugged their shoulders and said 'it's a council car park innit'. Nope, it's a public car park owned by the people and maintained by the council so what gives them the right to do what they have done? If the butchers shop had done the same, the council would have jumped down their throats.

Have a look around your own town, I bet the council in your neck of the woods are at it as well. It's just a small example of the contempt that they have for us. The bastards.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Am I a snob?

For just over a year we have lived in a rough part of town, a run down area with several boarded up houses and the obligatory dogs running about and old cars in gardens etc, you get the picture.
Now, this was our choice, we needed a home as we were in a private let which was costing a fortune and we were fortunate enough to be only waiting six months or so 'till the council offered us this place. It's a big house with a big garden, what else would you want?
My problem is, am I a snob? A strange question, but I have been asking myself that very question for some time. As a kid I was dragged up in a similar area, I thought everyone lived in an area like I did. It was astonishing to see a new private estate being built ten minutes away, (Wimpy homes, wow!), it was like a different world.
Now, the reason for my question. I look at my neighbours and others that live in the area and I feel a contempt for them. The vast majority do not work and rely on the state for their income, which seems to fund their lifestyle rather handsomely if the sky dishes and huge TVs which glow from the raggedly curtained living room windows are to be believed. The nice weather of last week kicked off the 'summer season' of being blitzed out your nut in the streets/gardens with the usual drunken arguements. Just the other night outside our house a huge arguement raged over the ownership of a portion of chips and curry sauce procured from the local chinese takeaway. I'm glad to say that no one won that discussion as the fought over chips were scattered over the road and the foil dish lay in my front garden. A small glow of satisfaction filled my body.
I have worked all my days and for the time being work nights. Due to the nature of my employment, I work most weekends which means that I am off during the traditional 'working week'. During my time off, I may wander into town with the missus, pop out to the local shop or whatever. Also, I may deal with any tradesmen coming to the house to carry out work on behalf of the council or answer the door to the postie etc etc.
I almost always feel obliged to throw into the conversation that 'I work nights' and that 'I'm off work 'till Thursday night' or whatever. Basically, I just want to let them know that I am not a giro jockey like 95% of my neighbourhood. Does that make me a snob?
I have toyed with the idea of getting a T shirt printed up with 'I work for a living, unlike 95% of the cunts in this area'. Good idea, bad idea?

Here goes....

I've been thinking of doing this for ages, and today is the day!
There is no 'theme' to my blog, well, not at the moment anyway. Maybe a theme will evolve in time, I dunno. I plan just to post bits and pieces which amuse/annoy me or just to get things off my chest.
I feel I must explain that I am barely computer literate and this blog is, at the time being, a major learning curve for me. I have not got a clue how to put links/pics or anything else up, but with trial and error and a little bit of tenacity and patience, I'm sure I'll get there in the end, with a lot of help from the missus who is a lot more savvied up with the tinternet and all that it entails. I just haven't really felt the urge to get into all the computer stuff in the past, but now I feel left behind, (if that makes sense).
I stumbled on the blogosphere just over a year ago, when I downloaded opera mini onto my phone and have been an avid reader of blogs since. I've been a regular commenter on a few, (you may have seen my ramblings), and it entertains me. I'm sure the missus thinks I'm nuts and doesn't see the attraction! I hopefully will post around three times a week, as work can unfortunately interfere with my life, (bastards), and if I can wrestle the laptop away from the missus.