Thursday, December 31, 2009

If Nu-Labour was a driver.....

It is, of course, sheer coincidence that all the 'mishaps' had a member of the fairer sex behind the wheel!

Happy New Year to all.


subrosa said...

RAB!!!! That's sexist you know. I think men mock women drivers because they're just so much better at it.

Happy New Year to you and yours when it comes.

Oldrightie said...

When driving always be alert to ones self!

Scottish Unionist said...

This article needs additional citations for verification.
Please help improve this article by adding reliable references. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (January 2008)

Human Feces (also faeces — see spelling differences), also known as stools, is the waste product of the human digestive system and varies significantly in appearance, depending on the state of the whole digestive system, influenced and found by diet and health. Normally stools are semisolid, with a mucus coating. Small pieces of harder, less moist feces can sometimes be seen impacted on the distal (leading) end. This is a normal occurrence when a prior bowel movement is incomplete; and feces are returned from the rectum to the intestine, where water is absorbed.

Meconium (sometimes erroneously spelled merconium) is a newborn baby's first feces. Human feces are a defining subject of toilet humor.

Contents [hide]
1 Fecal management
2 Laboratory testing of feces
3 Bristol Stool Chart
4 Color variations of feces
4.1 Yellow
4.2 Black
4.3 Blue
5 Fecal contamination
6 Utilization
7 See also
8 References

[edit] Fecal management

If feces is too hard or large, a plunger might be needed to flush it.Main articles: Night soil, Toilet, Latrine, and Sewage
The management of feces is an issue of hygiene, since feces contribute to spreading of diseases and intestinal parasites. Toilets were known in ancient India (dated as early as 2,500 BC), in Ancient Rome, Egypt and China, although the contemporary flush toilet originated in 19th century Victorian England.

Until the end of the 19th century, the primary concern of sewage collection and disposal in the Western world was to remove waste away from inhabited places, and it was common to use waterflows and larger bodies of water as a destination of sewage, where waste could be naturally dissipated and neutralized. With the increased population density this is no longer a viable solution, and special processing of sewage is required. The lack of the latter is a grave sanitary and public health problem in developing countries.

[edit] Laboratory testing of feces
Feces will sometimes be required for microbiological testing, looking for an intestinal pathogen or other parasite or disease.

Biochemical tests done on feces include fecal elastase and fecal fat measurements, as well as tests for fecal occult blood.

It is recommended that the clinician correlate the symptoms and submit specimens according to laboratory guidelines to obtain results that are clinically significant. Formed stools often do not give satisfactory results and suggest little of actual pathological conditions.

Three main types of microbiological tests are commonly done on feces:

Antibody-antigen type tests, that look for a specific virus (e.g. rotavirus).
Microscopic examination for intestinal parasites and their ova (eggs).
Routine culture.
Routine culture involves streaking the sample onto agar plates containing special additives, such as MacConkey agar, that will inhibit the growth of Gram-positive, thick membranes organisms and will selectively allow enteric pathogens to grow, and incubating them for a period, and observing the bacterial colonies that have grown.

[edit] Bristol Stool Chart

The Bristol Stool Chart or Bristol Stool Scale is a medical aid designed to classify the form of human feces into seven categories. Sometimes referred to in the UK as the "Meyers Scale," it was developed by K.W.Heaton at the University of Bristol and was first published in the Scandinavian Journal of Gastroenterology in 1997.[1] The form of the stool depends on the time it spends in the colon.[2]

The seven types of stool are:

1.Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
2.Sausage-shaped but lumpy
3.Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
4.Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
5.Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
6.Fluffy pieces with ragged edges,

31 December 2009 15:43

microdave said...

What a load of shit!

"It is, of course, sheer coincidence that all the 'mishaps' had a member of the fairer sex behind the wheel!"

That's been solved by the Chinese:

Just don't try and smuggle any drugs, whilst shopping....

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Tits and steering wheels.

Not a good combination.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

To be fair, my wife is an excellent driver and also hates women drivers!

anonemo said...

"To be fair, my wife is an excellent driver and also hates women drivers!"

Is it a civil partnership you are in Rab? ;-)

Happy New Year!

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Sometimes it's quite un-civil!

VotR said...

Happy New Year Rab.

Polaris said...

Happy New year - here's to a better one.

Clara x

Pierrepoint said...

Damn you Rab, I can't get that bloody tune out of my head.

banned said...

I love the ones that get done by raising bollards, they all have the same " it wasn't me" look on their dozy faces.

Amusing Bunni said...

This is precisely why I don't drive.
If you think women drivers are bad, you
should see all the illegals who don't read english!
Happy New Year, Rab, and thanks for the follow.