Thursday, January 27, 2011

A BMW driver writes....

Twat Mobile

A day from the diary of a BMW driver...

The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways,which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road!

I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!

The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.

Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me,

I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!

Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!

He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast!

Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on!

(They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.)

But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW!

(nicked from elsewhere...)


microdave said...

And when his licence is removed he can leave the car in the special "BMW only" parking bay outside the local school - you know, the bit clearly marked with yellow paint.....

Hollando said...

I find it's Audi drivers these days

Joe Public said...

Aye Hollando.

BMW drivers think they're superior; but us Audi drivers know we are.

Envy, a wonderful thing for someone else to have.

Obnoxio The Clown said...

Meh. This joke was old when I was at school.

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX A BMW driver writes....XX


I did not know they COULD.

MTG said...

I could tolerate the ubiquitous MONA driver in his fourth hand 528i, were the government to look more favourably on a white, Christian, hetrosexual 911 lane.

monkey said...

i cant help but imagine the bmw having a black combover and a tiny mustache as i read the post.

dak said...

It's not often realised that because BMWs are so expensive, but so desirable to aspirational individuals, that they are sold in installments.

The last bits to come are always the mirrors...

CrazyDaisy said...

About to change the chariot - already discounted the Beamer & Audi due to the stigma of being a cock! looks like I'll have to slum it with a Benz and fit in with the Asians living round my temp gaffe in Londistan :(


Anonymous said...

This primarily applies to debadged 3 series repmobile cocks.

Those in a more substantial BMW are commonly found in the inside lane, wafting along at a steady 65 mph. Why rush?

Amobileuserwrites said...

You get the points at the clerk of your sherrif court, not the copshop.