Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Some Mash Goodness!

Five easy-to-remember tips for a hassle-free stitch-up:
  • Always make false arrests when you are either completely sober or completely drunk. Anything in between is a minefield.

  • Never, ever do it in a restaurant. Best to wait a few hours and then drag them from bed at three o'clock in the morning so their neighbours will automatically assume they're a terrorist.

  • Bring a chum. The 'off-duty, solo' is riddled with potential bear-traps, but nobody is going to doubt the sworn testimony of TWO arresting officers.

  • If you do get found out - keep smiling. Do not give the Daily Mail a chance to publish a photo of you looking all shifty eyed.

Do not be black or Asian. Especially an uppity one.

full article here

6 comments:

eternal sceptic said...

I'm glad the shifty Persian has finally been carpeted but I wouldn't be surprised if it's a fit up.
An Iraqi asylum seeker confronts a commander in a restaurant ( commander is in police uniform while out with partner - weird guy) and when the commander shouts at him he phones 999 and stands under a cctv camera so everything is recorded.
Like I say I've no doubt of the commanders guilt but I think he fell for a trap.
More details of the 'businessmans' website company might persuade me otherwise. Just seems a lot of bottle for an asylum seeker who would be expected to keep a low profile.

Edgar said...

Was Daziei fitted up?

I hope so.

Catosays said...

Eternal Sceptic.

First you say you think it's a fit up then you say you have no doubt of Dizaei's guilt.

Make your mind up Numpty!!

Then go and ask the thousands of Met coppers in particular why they're dancing on the streets.

eternal sceptic said...

Cato

I would say fit up and guilty are quite agreeable partners.
It's easy to fit someone up and for them to be guilty. It happens all the time. Especially in Islamic countries.
An officer isn't liked and has escaped numerous punishments due to yuman rights/ race laws etc.
So try a new twist to get him into jail. Look for the weakness. He's muslim. They can never , ever lose face. Especially when dressed in Met uniform and out wth their partner for an enjoyable meal in a restaurant full of fellow Iranians who know and respect ( fear ) you.
The website businessman would know all about wasta ( islamic countries run on a persons power and influence through work and peers) and the inability of a muslim in such high prominence to lose face( to accuse a muslim of theft in public is a bit like offering them your left hand to shake hands with - used for cleaning shite off of arse only).
So get someone who is looking for asylum. Get him to go against all his previous inclinations. Make a scene in a restaurant. Dial for the police and let the commander do the rest. heck the commander has 20 years of ' bending' the rules so it would be a piece of cake. You've got cctv, phone call evidence and a fellow muslim complaining. Perfect.
Celebrations all around. We're happy. The police are happy, the businessman is happy and his peers in the Iranian community are happy. What's not to like ?

Catosays said...

E.S.

I'm afraid you're living on Planet Zog.

MTG said...

Helpful advice, Rab.
Perhaps UK Intelligence Services had good reason not to play the 'suicide in woods' card.