Goodbye, fill your pockets on the way out.

Ben Chapman: £36,269

Derek Conway: £64,766

Christopher Fraser: £32,383

Douglas Hogg: £59,585

Julie Kirkbride: £32,383

Andrew MacKay: £64,766

Ian McCartney: £64,766

Margaret Moran: £54, 403

Anthony Steen: £32,383

Peter Viggers: £32,383

Ann Winterton: £38, 860

Nicholas Winterton: £32,383

The above list of soon to be ex MPs, (not soon enough though), have next to their name the estimated 'pay off' they will receive when they leave office.

This is to help them 'adjust' to the real world. MPs only receive this payment if the step down during a general election. If they quit and force a by election they get bugger all.

So the bastards cling on to the bitter end to ensure they get their golden handshake.

Honourable members indeed.

Yet another 'mistake'

The 'Right Honourable' Frank Cock MP

Yet again details of a shocking claim by one of the 646.

Labour MP for Stockton North Frank Cook tried to claim back £5 that he put in the collection plate at a church service commemerating the Battle of Britain. The fees office rejected the claim, but that's not the point.

The troughing bastard claims that it was a mistake yadda yadda blah blah. Heard it before Frankie boy. I'm sure there is a lamp post with your name on it.

Blah Blah, health reasons Blah Blah, family Oink Oink

Punch my face 'till you break your wrist,
you know you want to

Another troughing bastard announces that he is 'standing down' at the election. Apparently his health has suffered and his family are suffering.

Are they expecting sympathy? How many have said they are standing down due to health and family reasons? Worrying about the health of their bank accounts more like.

Who the fuckity fuck do they think they are kidding.

Bastards.

More 'low wage/poverty' bullshit

In the news today, more bullshit about child poverty and low wages.

The STUC have called on the Scottish Government to ensure that all public sector employees receive a 'living wage'. Glasgow city council already pay all their directly employed staff at least £7 an hour, which is £1.27 an hour higher than the minimum wage.

The BBC have tied this story up with a report from the Joseph Rowntree Trust that the Scottish Government will miss it's target of eliminating child poverty totally by 202o.

The obvious question to ask is why the taxpayer should be squeezed even more to pay the increased wage bill if the demands of the STUC are met. I'm sure all staff could get at least £7 an hour provided efficiency savings are met within the public sector as a whole, with no added burden to the taxpayer. We all know that huge parts of the sector are over staffed and chronically inefficient.

A two tier 'minimum wage' system will only create tension and bitterness between the public and private sector employees. Why should a worker employed by a retailer, for instance, get paid the statutory minimum wage only for his/her hard earned cash to be plundered to pay a council employee at least £7 per hour? It's just not right. Perhaps the idiots that spout such nonsense need to think before making ridiculous demands.

And anyway, haven't they heard of tax credits?

People should be paid what they are worth. End of.

As for 'child poverty', I'm struggling to understand what child poverty actually is in this country. I've never seen a child with rickets. Nor a malnourished child. Perhaps child poverty is not ensuring your child has the latest playstation game. There are, sadly, neglected children but I don't think child neglect is the same as child poverty.

Circle the wagons, the Righteous have surrounded us

A few weeks ago I was told by my boss that I have to go on a training course. Nothing new there, having been on numerous courses of the many years of my employment I expected the usual nonsense, staff appraisal techniques, health and safety or similar.

But no.

Imagine my surprise/shock/horror when I found out that the course that I simply must attend is a course entitled Equality and Diversity.

I have been nominated for 're-education'.

It seems that the Righteous have infected the company I work for. A company that is well known for a no nonsense and simplistic approach to it's business which has made it very successful household name. All managers must attend the brain washing course. Failure or objection will mean an end to any career advancement prospects. So the righteous mantra of 'comply or else' applies.

So, my employer has labelled me as a racist, sexist homophobe, amongst other 'ists' and 'phobes' and I must be cleansed.

The Righteous are all around us, in every part our lives from work to leisure, in our homes via the television and radio. The 're-education' of the general populace is un-relentless. Some of the mind control techniques are obvious, but most are not.

In every town and city in the land, there are sections of society who have not worked for a generation or more, in some cases three generations of the same family have not earned a wage. They receive everything they require from the Righteous. Food, clothing. Everything. They dance, unwittingly, to the tune played by the piper. They are told what to do and when to do it. When they fall foul of the rules they are punished, just to remind them of who is in charge. Got an appointment at the Job Centre? If you are one minute late you are punished, go away and make another appointment. Comply comply comply. An easy target.

Our local authorities are riddled with them. Armed with ridiculous rules and regulations their aim is to ensure obedience and compliance from the people they are supposed to serve. I dare you to put your wheelie bin out too early, or overfilled. Don't even think about putting anything that can be re-cycled into your general rubbish bin. You will feel the wrath of the Righteous. They employ our children as snoopers, encouraging them to report everything they see to them. They spend our money on their pet righteous projects, rather than fixing the holes in the road. We can only buy alcohol or cigarettes from approved outlets, the proprietors of the outlets having passed the demands made on them before they are allowed to make a living. So infected are local authorities, so brain washed by the righteous thought process, they are filled with non jobs. Jobs which have nothing to do with running a county or district, but have everything to do with controlling the thoughts and actions of the people.

Our television channels are filled with righteous messages, dressed up as entertainment or educational programmes, sandwiched between the mind numbing tedium of fly on the wall documentaries or talent shows. Push the message to the masses, but give them something else to talk about the next day, don't let them think too much. Who else but the Righteous would allow soap operas to promote homosexual relationships on tea time TV as a lifestyle choice? Why are all villians on TV white heterosexual men?

Our prisons are filled to bursting point but instead of building more, the call is for more 're-habilitation and re-education'. Righteous style. A parole board will easily allow early release if the prisoner shows he has responded to the re-education dished out by the Righteous that control the justice system in this country. Crimes against the state are dealt with more harshly than crimes against individuals. Why else would a mugger get two years for beating a pensioner to near death for her pension whilst a tax evader will get five or more years? A crime against the state is seen as a crime against the Righteous.

Our public services are third rate. Go to the doctor's surgery and sit and wait until you are called, even though your allotted appointment time passed by over half an hour ago. Yet another example of controlling the masses. We quietly grumble to ourselves but accept it as a fact of life. They get off on the power they have.

The victim mentality that this country suffers from is a direct result of the Righteous agenda. Common criminals are labelled 'victims of their circumstances' rather than crooks. Excuses are made for them and responsibility removed from them. Re-education follows.

Everyone is a winner, they cry. Sports day at school is not about actually winning or being good at something, it's all about taking part. The fat lazy kid gets the same plaudits as the fastest sprinter in the class. Any child at school who displays any talent for being a winner quickly realises that there is no reward for it. Comply and blend in with the rest. Schools will not encourage and assist, the Righteous will not allow it.

I could go on and on, but I would lose the will to live. I will not, however, lose the will to fight back against them.

How dare they label me.

Now the Fees Office is speaking out.

Oink Oink Oink

Up until now, current and former officials of the Parliamentary Fees Office have not spoken out about the troughgate scandal engulfing Westminster.(Notice how the media refer to them as 'officials' rather than employees or civil servants.)

The former head of the fees office has now spoken out and has made a very valid point.

MP's allowances and expenses should have been cut when the number of hours in Parliament were cut.

In the real world, your terms and conditions of employment centre around how many hours you are contracted for. Any perks or benefits you receive are 'pro-rata'. The same thing should apply to the 646.

They should clock in and out and receive any genuine expense claims after the pro-rata calculation has been applied.

Simples.

Dole Scum/MPs - same thing

Yvette Cooper MP and Ed Balls MP

As more and more (and more) sordid details of the troughing festival carried out by the 646 come to light, the squeals of the little piggies have all pretty much squealed the same thing.

"It's within the rules".

Every time I hear this pathetic excuse for greed and corruption, it reminds me of the bleatings of the dole scum.

"I'm entitled to it".

The 646 are no better than the third generation dole scum family who claim every benefit going, bending the rules to get as much cash out of the system as possible. The excuses that emanate from both of society's anuses are one and the same.

There is one crucial difference however.

Dole scum family will (probably) end up in court to explain why they claimed for benefits that they are not entitled to. They will have to pay it back. Well, we the tax payer will have to pay it back but you know what I mean. They will be punished for their actions according to the law and quite rightly so.

Compare this against what will happen to the 'honourable members'.

No MP will end up in court, although clearly they all should. They are re-paying back anything that they claimed for 'mistakenly' back into the very pot their sticky fingers got the loot from in the first place. The government want to set up a quango to oversee the whole expenses process.
Being a quango it will be shrouded in mystery and secrecy away from the prying eyes of the public.

A few have been 'sacked' by their party leaders. Big deal. The ones that will lose their seat come election time, which will be a lot, will still get a handsome pay off courtesy of the tax payer.

Not good enough. I want to see them swinging from lamp posts.

Old Holborn has decided to perform citizen arrests on the 646. Excellent stuff. I hope that there are plenty of cameras around when he serves his warrants.

The 646 and their chums in the lords have been hoping that this would all blow over. They are sadly (for them) mistaken.

Get to duck!

'If you vote BNP you will go to the bad fire'

"Trick or treat"


The Archbishops of Canterbury and York have urged voters not to let anger over the expenses scandal drive them to vote for the BNP in next month's elections.

Here we go again. Why don't clowns like Williams just shut it and let people make up their own minds? What business is it of the church to poke it's nose into politics? Whether you agree with the BNP or not, (I'm not a supporter but they are a legitimate political party), it's just not right that the 'church' try to influence the electorate.

The 'church', no matter which religion you follow, is as big a part of the establishment as the BBC or parliament. They just can't help themselves.

These righteous morons try to control us and dictate to us how to live our lives. Terrified that the sheeple may have realised just what is going on, the righteous spin machine is whirling into overdrive.

In all areas of our lives we are told what to do and what not to do. The righteous try to control our thoughts and actions in everything we do. The twat above is yet another example of the mind control endemic in this once great country.

Come and tell ME what to do. Come and tell ME what to think. I DARE you.

Cameron tells MacKay to pack it in

Tory MP Andrew MacKay has just announced that he is to stand down at the next election after a 'discussion' with David Cameron.

The discussion probably went like this -

DC - Andrew, you're fired.

AM - Umm, okay then.

Quackers MP 'humiliated'

"Quack Quack", sorry I meant "Trough Trough"

The MP who spent £1645 of our money on a floating hotel for his ducks has stated that he feels 'ashamed' and 'humiliated'.

Hmmm, not good enough you troughing bastard.

He's probably 'ashamed' because he got caught and 'humiliated' because we know he has a duck fetish. The dirty bastard.

However it is nice to know that the ducks apparently have some morals. The ducks never liked the floating island.

Perhaps the 646 should take some lessons from Daffy and his chums.

Patrick Swayze is not dead...

Alive and kicking. Apparently.

Rumours of the death of Hollywood star Patrick Swayze are not true, according to his publicist Annett Wolf.

Kiss FM, a Florida radio station, twittered the other day that he had died.

However, she has not denied claims that the actor is to star in a re-make of his most succesful film, 'Ghost'.

"Probably next year" she stated.

A tip for Gordoom...

"I think I'll go mountain climbing"

I wonder if Gordon has seen this story from South Korea.

I have no problem with any expense claims for mountain climbing gear...

Pikey Prison Food

"Hurry, we'll be late for visiting"

Chief Inspector of Prisons Dame Anne Owers criticed HMP Parkhurst in a recent report for not meeting the gourmet 'needs' of travellers who are no longer travelling due to being caught and banged up for a stretch.

Great strides have been made in recent years to meet the needs of the ethnically diverse prison population as far as food goes, halal menus are offered as well as other religious sustenance 'needs'. Apparently.

However Dame Anne is concerned that travellers needs are not being met by the prison service, particularly at HMP Parkhurst. She demands that they be treated as a seperate 'ethnic group' and in an unannounced inspection last year criticised the prison for failing to implement her recommendations from four years earlier. She must be unable to sleep at night, poor dear.

Dame Anne along with her role as Chief Inspector of Prisons is also the chairperson for Christian Aid and before her current role as our servant was the director of JUSTICE, a law reform and human rights group.

So, we have a righteous hand wringing ex campaigner as the Chief Inspector for Prisons. Great.

How the fuck did 'travellers' become an 'ethnic' minority anyway? I thought they were white?

In my humble opinion, the menu in the big house should be 'take it or leave it'. Special menus geared towards religious or otherwise can be offered, but the difference in cost should be paid for by the prisoner somehow. Medical needs are of course exempted.

I have managed to get a copy of the menu recommended for travellers.

Menu


Cream of tomato soup (stolen)
Prawn cocktail (stolen)

Roast beef and yorkshire pudding (stolen)
Fish and chips (stolen)

Apple crumble and custard (stolen)
German stollen (stolen)

Tea/Coffee (stolen)


Diners are reminded to leave all crockery/cutlery
lying around the area (if not stolen)

Flea bitten dogs and general rubbish
including human faeces can be distributed
in the dining area upon request

Enjoy your meal you pikey bastard

ps, our driveway is fine for the moment

I'm quiet

Sorry for the lack of 'action' recently. Work is pretty hectic at the moment and all I am doing is working and sleeping. Any drivel I post will be from my phone so will be short and sweet. You can tell I'm using my phone when there are no pics or paragraphs on my posts. Opera Mini can only do so much! And as I work in the private sector I'm unable to skive! Laters...

The curse strikes again

According to Guido, Jonah Brown visited Sellafield on the 23rd January this year. On the very same day, the site had a radioactive leak, a level 2 leak (whatever that is). Going on his past form for putting a hex on everything he wishes well, I really really hope he sends his best wishes to Celtic and their defence of the league championship!

1.39% of MPs have not claimed a thing

Of the 646, only 9 MPs have not claimed a thing for the past four years. They are Martin Salter, Geoffrey Robinson, Celia Barlow, Richard Benyon, David Howarth, Adam Afriyie, Rob Wilson, Anne Milton and Philip Dunne. If they can manage, why can't the rest?

I wanted an X box anyway...

My mates used to call me 'shagger'

I'm sure it comes as no surprise to find out that little Alfie is not the father of the lovely Chantele's baby. In this case, the cliche of 'a big boy did it and ran away' appears to be true.

The father is a fifteen year old boy called Tyler, who was fourteen at the time of banging Chantele. He apparently lost his virginity to her after spending the evening drinking with her at the family home. Chantele's delightful mother knew he was going to have sex with her, according to Tyler. It was par for the course for lads to spend the night in her bed.

Of course, this is so wrong on so many levels. I'm sure the righteous have spent many an hour wailing and gnashing their teeth in empathy for the little victims in all this. They are the result of a Broken Britain, born into a situation that gives them no hope and aspirations etc etc etc.

Bollocks.

The only victims are you and I, the tax payer.

The solution is simple. Do not give them money. Do not give them a free house. Do not give them anything. Let them look after themselves, within their families.

If the supply of free cash dried up overnight, you can bet that 'family planning' will suddenly shoot to the top of the agenda for the likes of Chantele and her fellow young slags.

As for the hand wringers well listen to this, I do not know Chantele. She is not part of my family. She has contributed nothing to society. The 'system' has not let her down, her mother has. Stop making me pay for the likes of her.

Ask Liebore a question!

Just got a few leaflets through the door for the euro elections. The back of the liebore one has 'text LABOUR followed by your question to 60022' network rates apply. Hmmm, wonder what I'll ask...

Honourable Members declare poverty

Aah! Expenses.

The Department of Social Security has set up an emergency 'phone line following the announcement by Gorbals Mick earlier today in the House of Commons that Honourable Members must not submit any expense claims for the time being.

Straight after the announcement, MPs could be seen rushing from the chamber in a panic. They besieged the Westminster DSS office begging for a crisis loan to see them through 'till pay day.

"How the fuck am I supposed to pay the boy that cleans the pool" wailed one Conservative MP. A Labour member shouted "Look, I'm fully entitled to that nice big 50 inch LCD telly. It's within the bloody rules so give me my money you bastard".

Police were called to restore order after terrified staff pressed the panic button. "I've dealt with lowlife junky scum for years", explained a supervisor, "but that lot are a bunch of animals".

Five DSS staff have been sent home suffering from work related stress.

An official from the DSS went on to say, "They would have easily received a crisis loan from us, but they could not decide what address was their main home, and to prevent fraud we must have proof of address".

News that the Salvation Army are setting up a soup kitchen has still to be confirmed.

Our thoughts are with the Honourable Members at this difficult time.

Didn't he do well!

I must admit that I was very impressed with Speaker Martin, (aka Gorbals Dick). His non stuttering display of authority and knowledge demonstrated today in the House of Commons was breathtaking. Not once did he have to be told procedure from the clerks and the honourable members cheered their support and took turns to stand and proclaim their support for Mr Speaker. The news networks are buzzing with the revelation that it was all a big mistake and that Parliament's reputation and integrity has well and trully been restored. A great day for British democracy. *sarcasm off*

I'm now a twit.

I've just signed up to Twitter. Not sure if I will use it much, seeing as I am a techno mong. Will see how it goes!

Esther to stand for parliament?

Anyone got a dog that can say "troughing bastards"?

Esther is to do a 'Martin Bell' if the good people of Luton show enough support.

She said she was 'sick' of MPs abusing taxpayers' money.

'My reasoning is simple. Margaret Moran changed the address of her second home to her husband's in Southampton just days before spending £22,500 on repairing dry rot there.

In all, she "flipped" her second home on three occasions, seemingly to take advantage of the expenses system.'

Miss Rantzen acknowledged that the MP had agreed to hand back the cash. 'She may think this is enough.

Her constituents, however, may beg to differ - and if they do, I am more than happy to offer myself up as an alternative.'

Good on her. I'm sure she will get plenty of support.

Old Tam says Screw You

Pensioner Tam and his pokey wee cooncil hoose

Ex Father of the House of Commons Tam Dayell claimed £18,000 for two bookcases just before retiring as an MP.

I always considered Tam Dayell as a principled man, a man who would 'do the right thing' even if it meant falling out with his party, which he did on many occasions. I now consider him a troughing bastard like the rest of them in the Westminster Pig Sty.

According to him, his claims were "absolutely justified" and he goes on to say "I'm absolutely at ease with all this". Well, I'm glad he is because I'm certainly not at ease with any of 'this'. "One lives in an old National Trust property and one doesn't put in shoddy bookcases", he arrogantly rambles on.

Of course! I now completely understand. One can't put John Lewis shite into a National Trust property.

For Foulkes sake George

"Gonnae stoap pickin oan ma big mate"

Once again, George Foulkes has jumped to the defence of his big pal Gorbals Dick, sorry, Mick after Libdum leader Clegg broke with convention and criticised the Speaker.

Speaker Martin must be grateful that he has at least someone on his side, even though Georgy Porgy has been convicted of assault and being drunk and disorderly.

Beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

Go on Liz, you know you want to!

"One is really pissed off with One's government"

Her Maj has told the Prime Mentalist, Gorgon McDoom, that she is 'deeply troubled' by all the troughing going on. This is Queen speak for 'sort it or I'll sort you, you useless one eyed bastard'.

Her trigger finger must be twitching like mad, ready to fire the bullet that dissolves the House of Commons and kicks off a General Election. She will know that to do so would create a major constitutional crisis in the UK, but in my opinion she should fire that bullet.

At the very least, I would hope that she puts some pressure on the Prime Mentalist to call an election sooner rather than later, even though she is not really supposed to poke her royal nose into politics. With the outrage from the sheeple gathering momentum by the hour, I think Her Maj would have a lot of public support for being seen to do the 'right thing'.

Talking of the sheeple, even the scum are aware of the troughing. I was in the local shop the other morning and the place was full of 'locals' discussing the expenses scandal. I was very surprised as usually they just discuss how much money they can pool together in order to buy a 'cairy oot' and who's been put in jail and who's just come out of jail.

When I gave my opinion that come election time they should spoil their ballot paper or vote for one of the smaller candidates I got slack jawed stares in response.

Ah well, small steps and all that I suppose...

Scottish telly ad.

Translation available on request!

Total rubbish!

I used to think that the wheelie bin nazi was a south of Hadrian's wall phenomenon. The horror stories of the jumped up bastards who are supposed to serve us turning into power crazed nazi-esque thugs are all too common.

Unfortunately, it seems that the never ending march of council officialdom has goose stepped its way over the border into Jockland.

In Dumfries the local council, (or Bastards as I like to refer to the council), has started a new 'initiative' for the collection of household rubbish.

Everyone has a wheelie bin as is the norm, however strict rules have been circulated to all households regarding the use of the bins. Bin lids must be fully closed of your bin will not be emptied. Any bags placed to the side of the bin will be lifted, however the bags must be the ones provided by the council at a cost of 50p each! If you have the audacity to leave out an un-approved bag, you get a love letter from the bin man stuck onto it explaining the reason for the bag being left. Cheeky bastards!

It's about time all the power mad loons that 'run' our councils got a severe reality check. Who the fuck pays their wages!

It's bang out of order. It's not as if we can pick and choose who deals with our household rubbish so the bastards have us by the nuts. Time for a change, throw it open to the private sector and let them compete for our custom.

Anyone who complains to the council gets the sadly predictable reply that the new initiative has been started in order for the council to meet its re-cycling targets. Complete bollocks.

Eight boring facts about me

The Ranting Penguin has tagged me and apparently I need to list eight useless bits of info on yours truly. So, prepare to be bored to death!



1) As a youngster I used to keep racing pigeons.

2) I buy 'classic bus' magazine.

3) I've been told I look like the wrestler 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin.

4) My grandmother was married six times.

5) When I left school, I was going to join the Royal Navy, but didn't.

6) I was top of the class on most subjects at school until exam time when I fucked it all up.

7) I have worked for the same employer all my working life.

8) I am the laziest bugger you could ever meet. Ask my wife!

So, there you go. I'm not tagging anybody 'cos no bugger reads my blog and those that do have already done this!

Mayor calls for police investigation

Ray Mallon, the mayor of Middlesborough, has called on the Metropolitian Police to investigate the expenses scandal, treating it as a crime. He quite rightly points out that the dirty thieving troughing bastards are not above the law, even if they think they are.

I'm paying back fuck all...

Fully entitled to every fucking penny

Can you believe the complete and utter cheek of this man? He apparently is refusing to pay back any of the dodgy expenses he claimed for, which included £730 for a massage chair.

"I am as straight as they come" he bleats. Which of course is right, seeing as he comes from parliament.

"I will not be giving it to the authorities in parliament BECAUSE IT IS LEGITIMATELY MINE"

Totally un fucking believable.

A quick question.

Right, I've been mulling this over since I heard about it. So, how is it possible to 'forget' that you have paid off your mortgage? It just doesn't compute. Dirty thieving troughing bastard.

Madonna sends her best wishes.

Dear Jordan, I'm sorry to hear of your marital troubles. It's all to easy to forget about the children when parents split up. If it's okay with you, can I have the black one? Love and kisses, Madge

Tagged by an old bag!

Apparently I've been tagged, (for the first and hopefully last time), and I must tell you eight things I hate. Should be easy!

By the way, thanks Old Bag for tagging me you bugger!

1) The unemployable bastards that infest my neighbourhood.

2) The tossers that don't have their money ready when getting on the bus.

3) LibLabCon.

4) Customers who are total knobs and 'know their rights'. (They have the right to fuck off).

5) Mens mags like nuts and zoo and the stupid slags within them.

6) The fact that because I am Scottish I must by law enjoy the Daily Record, Irn Bru and Scotch Pies. I don't!

7) Other peoples horrible brats.

8) The council.

Right, I tag GIGITS, SCREECH, ANNA RACOON, and CONSTANTLY FURIOUS.

You have the right to ignore my tag! (uman rights, innit)!

Gorbals Mick must go

"Who the feck are you looking at?"

After his shamefull display yesterday, Speaker Martin needs to go. Along with all the rest of the 646 troughing bastards.

La La Land.

"Christ, I can barely lift this bag of lovely cash"

Margaret Moran is still spouting that all her claims were necessary. She needed tax payer's cash to fund her south coast home because "her husband worked there" and that "family life was essential to her job as a politician".

The brass neckery of this woman is breathtaking.

The bleating continues. One of the biggest concerns in all this, in my opinion, is the fact that all of the troughing pigs caught with their sticky fingers in the tax payers cookie jar just don't understand why people think it is wrong.

If you're up to no good, fiddling the books or whatever, and get caught you know that you deserve your punishment. You KNOW that you were 'at it'.

The shower of shit in Westminster don't understand why we are furious. As far as they are concerned it was all "within the rules" etc etc.

Time for a huge big reality check for the 646 and their pals in the Lords.

Behave!

Trough in an orderly fashion,
where are your manners?

Cameron says that MPs 'must behave properly'.

If these cretins need to be told to behave then they, quite simply, should not be in the position that they are.

Bunch of greedy, troughing self serving hoons.

Sorry, (not)

Brown says sorry,
we say fuck off.

Are there any 'decent' piggies?

Generic Piggie Politician

I've been pretty quiet about all the troughing that has come to light over the past few days. There are two reasons for this, first I have been working non stop. Since 9pm on Friday night until 9.30 am this morning I have worked nearly forty hours. I am tired, my body is sore and I have a sweat rash round my dangly bits. My job may have 'manager' in it's title, but I still need to graft like a bastard to put food on the table.

Secondly, I am just shocked and stunned at the level of troughery. How can anyone have the brass neck to claim for a 5p carrier bag? I mean, for fucks sake! And then we have the opposite end of the scale, all the 'flipping'.

I'm trying very hard not to rant and swear, but it's fecking difficult. How DARE they bastards
rob my hard earned tax money to line their own pockets with? And just to spit in your face, they bleat that it was all 'within the rules'. They DON'T THINK THEY HAVE DONE ANYTHING WRONG! And then they call in plod to investigate the leak! Simply staggering.

I suppose that's what happens when parliament is full of 'career' politicians. They have no idea of the real world, not having been a part of it. They see Parliament as the top of the career ladder and all the troughing as a perk of the job.

So, are there any semi decent piggies in Parliament? Answers on a postcard.

I'm off to buy some piano wire. Sadly, I cannot claim it on expenses.

Britain, international joke

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Battle of the Banned
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Tip of the manky bandage to I Hate Jacqui Smith

Parliament announces new sponsorship deal

Recommended for necks everywhere

A spokesperson for the makers of the popular metal polish 'Brasso' announced that they would be sponsoring the Houses of Parliament.

"Clearly, the Honourable Members have probably the biggest brass necks in the country and require regular polishing". He goes on, "the board of the company have been mulling over the deal for some time now but when details emerged earlier about the expense claims and the squeals of 'it's within the rules' emanating from Westminster, it made their minds up for them".

The factory responsible for manufacturing the product has been put on a 24/7 production cycle to cope with the expected upturn in demand.

Rumours that Darling and Hoon are to have the brasso logo tattooed on their necks have still to be confirmed.

The wanderer returns

After being AWOL for ten days we got our cat back today. He was trapped under the floor boards of an empty house when he wandered in as workmen were carrying out repairs! He is in good nick considering his ordeal.

I'm a bit quiet...

Due to the unwelcome reality that is earning a living, my blogging will sadly (or happily!) be less frequent. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to put some rambling nonsense on screen.

Beggin' bums...

You're not welcome!

A list has been published of people who have been barred from entry into the UK in the six months leading up to March this year. Apparently, the UK has been able to ban those who engage in terrorism, serious criminal activity or 'promote hatred'.

Now, the first two categories I can understand. We don't want terrorists or criminals, we have enough of our own born and bred here. It's the last category I am uneasy with. What is 'promoting hatred'?

When I heard the phrase, the site of some mad mullah with a hook for a hand preaching death to all came into my mind. If that is what is meant by 'promoting hatred' then maybe I could understand why they would not be welcome. But no.

It appears to be a 'catch all' phrase used to keep out those who have had the audacity to exercise their right to free speech in their own homeland. They have not broken any law, so why should they be barred from Britain? Even the Muslim Council for Britain asks the very same question.

Looking at the list there are, of course, some very unpleasant people. Some of their views may be offensive and controversial but this should not bar them from entering our country. It seems to me that our glorious leaders are so desperate to control the minds of us poor citizens that desperate measures are being used in order that we are not guilty of any thought crimes.

If any of the 'thought crime' list wish to visit our green and pleasant land, they first have to prove that they will not "stir up tension" upon arrival. A clause called "presumption in favour of exclusion" is the catch all phrase. As I mentioned earlier, these people have not been convicted of any crime in their home country so why should their outspoken views prevent them from entry to the UK?

Full story here.


UPDATE - The Daily Mash has an article here

Timewarp telly!

Enjoy a telly ad break from the early 80's! (Can you tell I'm bored?).

Come aboard the bloodbus!

I heartily recommend you take a look at bloodbus. A Glasgow bus drivers blog of his working life, it's well written and very funny. Some of you sassenachs may struggle with some of the 'patter' but it's well worth the effort.

And what has it got to do with us then?

I was having a quick scan of the news and noticed this.

A team of British MPs has arrived in Sri Lanka to discuss the difficulties facing tens of thousands of civilians affected by the conflict in the north.

Why? What the feck has it got to do with MPs from Britain? Would there time not be better spent discussing the difficulties facing the 'civilians' of Britain?

The delegation includes former defence secretary Des Browne, whose appointment as Britain's special envoy to Sri Lanka was turned down by Colombo.

His appointment was turned down because the rebels praised British ministers for visiting last week.

The MPs are to visit camps for displaced people in the north.

What they gonna do? Cook them some grub? Wash clothes? Or stand around in their suits looking 'concerned'?

Meanwhile, Tamil Tiger rebels have praised the UK and French foreign ministers for their visit last week.

See Des Browne being told to feck off, (above).

The Tigers have been fighting for an independent home for Sri Lanka's minority Tamils in the north and east of the country for the past 25 years.

Who cares? Not I.

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Why do our MPs feel the need to be poking their collective noses into other countries affairs? It's got absolutely hee haw to do with us what is going on in Sri Lanka. Yeah, I'm sure it's terrible and all that but honestly, I don't care.

All thats happened is that they have pissed off the Sri Lankan government by cosying up to the Tamils.

Tanks, but no tanks.

British Leyland tank, soon to be replaced by Volvo

If Sunday newspaper sources are to be believed, Britain is to stop manufacturing it's own tanks.

Now, surprisingly (to me), the announcement has not come from the bowels of Whitehall but from the manufacturer themselves, BAe Systems. They have announced the closure of the works in Newcastle with the loss of 500 jobs, as they see no prospects of future orders.

It strikes me that the great British public would not stand for this. The readers of the Daily Mail would foam at the mouth at the very thought of the British Army buying tanks from Sweden armed with guns from Germany and to be honest, I wouldn't blame them.

Being the cynic that I am I have a hunch that BAe Systems are hoping that 'outraged from Hampshire' and his cronies whip up the media storm that would end up, no doubt, with the government stepping in to ensure that Britain builds it's own tanks.

A sly move indeed if true.

Millipede's smear jet

Unfortunately, no mountains nearby

Exclusive pic of the Smear Jet that is at the disposal of the cabinet. Don't think much of the vapour trail.



Footnote. Yeah, I know the pic is a bit lame but I'm not Bill fucking Gates!

The curse strikes again...

Not the Prime Mentalist, sadly.

Yet again, the curse of Jonah McBroon strikes again. After receiving the Prime Mentalists best wishes yesterday, Ricky Hatton gets leathered in the second round.

Who is next to suffer the curse?

The vultures are circling...

I said it's time to go ...

Just to compound the misery on the Prime Mentalist, apparently his 'enemies' within the LieBore party are plotting to oust him and replace him with Health Secretary Alan Johnson.

Charles Clarke, who is behind the plot according to the mail, has also demanded the sacking of Ed Balls as the start of a clear out of the Prime Mentalists closest allies.

Also Graham Stringer, the MP who led a challenge to Broon last year, has come out of the woodwork again and is testing the waters for another challenge.

Full story here.

So, grab some popcorn and book a ringside seat and watch NuLieBore rip itself to pieces.

Gordon has breakfast

"Mmmm, yummy"

A member of the family is missing

We are rather pre-occupied at the moment trying to hunt down our cat, Tigger, who has been missing since Tuesday evening.

A search of the area and phoning all the local vet surgeries has proved fruitless. Next step is a visit to the local cats protection league.



If no joy there, we have printed some small posters to put up in the local shops etc.

Fingers crossed.

I blame Gordon Brown myself. The hoon.

Dolly Draper book review

As mentioned on Guido's site earlier, Dolly's book isn't exactly a best seller. I particularly enjoyed this review on Amazon-











People who bought this title also bought:


A Bath plug
The Best of Ben Dover {DVD}
Berkley University sweatshirt. {XL}
Kate's GMTV fitness {DVD}
First Hundred Days {Paperback}
A new PC hard drive
Guide to unemployment benefit and family allowance {DWP leaflet}
A poor Book on Courage {Hardback}
Start a new life abroad {Hardback}
"Strictly Come Dancing" Annual {Book}
The rise of political lying {Paperback}
Kelsey Grammer's "Fraiser's guide to good mental health" {Softcover}
Iain Dale's Guide to Political Blogging in the UK 2007 {paperback}
Gunpowder: The Players Behind the Plot {Hardcover}

They also bought 12 years of McBride's smears, lies, untruths, spin, negative briefings,corrupt practices, rumour, press releases, dodgy dossiers, fake statistics, tittle-tattle, leaks, off the record lies, bully stories and sycophancy.

Nearly 40,000!

The petition for urging the Prime Mentalist to fuck the fuck off is nearly at the 40,000 mark!

Meanwhile, the petition urging support for him has reached, umm, 30.

Do you think he will take the hint?

'Honest' politician has a bump??

Looks like some politician has had a wee bump!

Tip of the manky bandage to badmartian.

It's our lovely cash, not yours.

BBC Trust attacks proposal to spend licence fee cash on ITV local news

Using a part of the licence fee as ITV's Michael Grade suggests, could threaten corporation's independence, says BBC Trust

Full store here.

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Not exactly a surprise I suppose. I mean, they need all the cash they can get in order to keep brain washing the populace.

The BBC are a disgrace. Subsidised by us at no choice of our own, a dinosaur with it's head so far up it's own bloody arse. It couldn't survive in the real world.