How to deal with pirates, Russian style

Apparently, the pirates are still on their boat when the video ends.

According to sources, if the Royal Navy capture any Somali pirates each pirate is assigned a case worker and is given a benefit claims pack. And a city tour of Britain via Google Street View to have a look at some houses.

I know I've been quiet...

'Howzat!'

So what's been happening? Have the country's ills been cured by the new Koalishin?

Ah, same old same old.....

They. Are. All. The. Fucking. Same.

Stuff this, let's take to the streets with some molotov cocktails*.

*best wait 'till the price falls below a quid a litre,

and after Britain's Got Talent has been on.

Time for change.

Do you want a truly Independent Scotland, free of the EU?

Do you believe in Direct Democracy?

Do you want to cut back State interference in your life?

Do you want to end Scotland’s pariah status as benefit junkies?

Do you want policies based on fact not media hype?

Do you want to have a choice in your life and a say in your Nation’s future?

Then come and talk to us.

We want people to join us and help prepare a challenge for the Holyrood Elections of 2011. We want people to help formulate policies, develop strategies, lead teams and stand as candidates. We need people with the imagination to break out of the rut created by our present politicians. If you think you have something to contribute in helping this Nation to realise its potential, contact us at info@choicescotland.org

More detail here.

Work related ranting.

A selection of complete and utter bastards from the olden days, for your perusal.

There are many, many things that get on my tits whilst I am at work. I could sit here all day and type a huge list, but I shall refrain because I'm sure the majority of the points will also apply to anyone in any type of job. But there is one bugbear that is, as far as I know, unique to my line of work.

For those of you that do not know, I work night shift in a supermarket. I have a fancy title which means little except that it's my balls that are in a sling come morning hand over time. In a nutshell, the shop is mine at night and it's up to me and my team to put it all back together so the bastard customers can wreck it again whilst I am in bed. It's a few steps up from working in the public sector. At least my toil generates cash for someone...

Anyway, what really rips my knitting is caused by lazy fuckwitted customers. Customers who can't be arsed walking a few yards. Customers who, after carefully selecting a pack of chicken breasts or a joint of meat from the chiller cabinets, dump them onto shelving a few aisles away.

Not refrigerated shelving. Of course not, that wouldn't be a problem.

No, the bastards dump them in the crisps aisle. Or the pet food aisle. Or in the fucking soap powder aisle. Any aisle except one with fridges.

We find it all on nightshift. Along with empty soft drinks bottles, sweet wrappers, burst open and half eaten biscuits and the occasional cooked chicken carcass. Apparently I work in a picnic site.

But it's the fresh foods that really gets to me. It's such a waste! Straight into the bin it goes. Decent grub wasted because of laziness. And it costs a fortune. It's my bonus that your chipping away at too.

We sometimes find chicken breasts etc a few weeks after they have been dumped. You get a whiff and it takes ages to pin point the origin of the aroma. Then it's strip out a section time. It's fucking disgusting. You lazy, thoughtless bastards.

Just stop it, okay!

And before anyone decides to have a pop at me about big bad supermarkets or to moan about 'customer service' issues, fuck right off. I went nights to get away from cunts like you.

Attention Fife council tax payers...

Pissing on the tax payers faces.

We all know that spending cuts are on the way, as well as probable tax rises. Pain for all, for the greater good etc etc.

Well, for most of us.

Life at local authorities continues as normal. Little empire building and ego stroking show no sign of slowing down. East Ayrshire council see fit to spend over three million quid on tarting up HQ proving the point that all the male councillors have very small penises and the lady councillors bully their husbands. They could have their meetings in a bloody portakabin, it makes no difference.

On the other side of the country Fife council, (where Gorgon Broon constituency lies), sees fit to have in their employ eight full time union representatives.

Eight full time employees of the council, paid for by the Fife tax payer, who do nothing for the people of Fife.

Am I alone in thinking that this is a total outrage?

Saturday Funny

with thanks to MicroDave.

Welcome to my scheme.

Marvin realises his Giro has been nicked...

Well, I know I have neglected this place somewhat. My blogging mojo has, or had, left and I had no intention of dribbling anything onto the internet for some time to come.

But last night I watched a 'fly on the wall' documentary about the area I live in. I was ashamed and embarrassed for Kilmarnock and Scotland. The urge to poke at my keyboard has returned...

If you have a spare fifty minutes click the link and watch it. The street I live in and the shops I frequent are shown several times. The area is infested with the lowlife that the programme features.

Already there are some deluded souls out there who are saying that the production team has only focused on the negative aspects of the area. The simple fact of the matter is that the people featured affect the whole area and everyone who resides in the area. 'Normal' well adjusted family units do not affect the neighbourhood in a negative way. People like those in the documentary seriously affect the local area, the choices these cretins make always affect others.

Of course, a whole industry has sprung up around these people. Legal or otherwise. Hundreds of thousands are employed up and down the land to support families and individuals who choose to live like Marvin and the Cunningham family.

The programme should be compulsory viewing for all politicians. It should also be mandatory viewing for the bleeding hearts in the support industry, the bleeding hearts that paint them all as victims.

My family and I are desperately trying to get out of the area but as we are a normal family unit with no 'issues' we have little chance of getting out soon. But don't feel sorry for me, I've made my bed and I'll lie in it. I refuse to play the house buying game, although I could easily afford it.

Anyway, happy viewing....

The Rablet gives his opinion...

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

All I did was mention socialism...

I'm not dead...

...I just cannot be hooped with blogging.

Hopefully my case of blogstipation will wear off soon.

I mean, there's not much to blog about anyway, is there.....?

Σας το πολύ, παραφυάδες!

The Greek economy, earlier today.

Alistair Darling has just forced every single man, woman and child in this country to cough up £217 each to help bail out the lazy, socialist loving Greeks.

I suppose we all have to do our duty, with us being in the Euro and that.

Oh, wait a minute.....

Jacqui Smith Press Release.

Number one, that's who I look after.

'It has been a pleasure to serve - MYSELF. To steal money from innocent taxpayers to fund my expensive fat cat life-style & to keep my pervy wanking husband amply supplied with porno vids, and in a £40K p.a. non-job. To control & bully you 'little people' & to make your life a misery with my mean minded laws, completely ignoring your wishes BECAUSE I CAN. And finally, to rip you all off (again)by getting a 'resettlement grant' that most of you can only dream about - not forgetting my gold plated pension that you losers paid for. Having troughed like the pig I am for the last 13 years, allow me to assure you that I shall continue to trough for the rest of my worthless life - and you can't do a thing about it. Hahahaha....'

with thanks to an anonymous commenter...

A memory jogger for Gordon

Enjoy...

You know what to do...

Cheerio! Ya hopeless bastard.
pic by Mish Masher

Don't let your children down. Get rid of Gormless Gordon.

Lambs to the Slaughter?

click to enlarge or
read the full article here

BNP candidate and Asian men trade punches in street.

A fight broke out between a British National Party parliamentary candidate and some Asian men as party members were out campaigning in east London.

The Asian men earlier swore at leader Nick Griffin and threw fruit at him and he was taken away from the scene.

Link to story and video here.

THIS is the real Labour government.

Ed Balls. Just one of many.

Debate Rap Battle (Must See)

Looking for 'stranger sex'?

"You park there and you get accosted by people after 'stranger sex', I believe the terminology is. It's become a no-go area for residents."

No-go for everyone except you? Fucking pervert.

link

Scottish Blogger lands in the shit.

Jeff, author of SNP Tactical Voting, (a blog I visit rarely and when I do I hold my nose), appears to be in a wee spot of bother.

Let's watch the inbred clusterfuck* that is the Scottish Blogosphere rally round and give him some support.

Or not.


* with a few exceptions

A picture says a thousand words

Thatcher lays into Cameron.

Call Me Dave gets well and truly handbagged. What a shame....

Tory sacrifice to appease the pink vote.

Sacrificed by the Tories

There is no doubt in my mind that the suspension last week of the Conservative candidate for North Ayrshire, Philip Lardner, was only to appease the 'pink vote' elsewhere in the country.

David Cameron acted 'within minutes' to get rid of him after the website Pink News informed Tory central office after Mr Lardner published comments on his own web site, which have now been removed. It goes without saying that Pink News have slightly bent the story to suit their own agenda, (ie, Philip Lardner is a homophobe).

Mr Cameron said yesterday while campaigning that he had taken action against Mr Lardner "within minutes".

He said: "I think people in the gay community know it is easier for people who are Conservative and gay to vote Conservative than at any time before".

Easy for you to act like you did, Mr Cameron. Seeing as Philip Lardner had no hope of overturning a Labour majority of over 11,000. A lamb led to slaughter.

Meanwhile. Mr Lardner is receiving threatening e mails and telephone calls from 'gay' activist groups and has been suspended from his job as a school teacher. But he is determined to fight on. He may have had the support of the Tories withdrawn but he remains on the ballot paper and is still up for election.

He said,

"David Cameron and the rest of the Conservative leadership have been forced into this position by the culture of political correctness which bears no relation to the views of people here or up and down the country. I have been basically thrown out of the Party for views that Annabel Goldie, the Scottish Conservative leader, would have to support as a Church of Scotland Elder. These are views supported by 99 per cent of people in this country"

Indeed, Mr Lardner. But you cannot commit a thought crime nowadays, never mind publish it.

Particularly when your Party leader is an unscrupulous career politician.

Dissent will NOT be tolerated

Headline fun

Note to B&D, it's only a joke. Don't get your knickers in a twist.