Monday, June 15, 2009

Handy hints to start a new life abroad...

Not required!!

1) Go to any Islamic country of your choice illegally. Never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense.

2) Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.

3) Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

4) Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc.

5) Procreate abundantly.

6) Deflect any criticism of this allegedly irresponsible reproductive behaviour with, ‘It is a cultural thing; you wouldn’t understand.’

7) Keep your British identity strong. Fly your national flag from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window, or on your car bumper.

8) Speak only English at home and in public, and insist that your children do likewise.

9) Demand classes on English culture in the foreign school system.

10) Demand a local country driver license or national insurance number equivalent. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimise your unauthorised, illegal, presence.

11) Drive around with no MOT, tax or insurance and ignore local traffic laws.

12) Insist that local law enforcement teaches English to all its officers.

13) Organise protest marches against your host country, inciting violence against non-Brits, non-Christians, and the government that let you in.

14) Congregate together in an area so that the locals feel unwelcome and become strangers in their own neighbourhood, the locals will move out of the area.

15) Achieve the above aim by keeping your house neat and tidy, growing plants, keeping dogs, eating bacon sandwiches and building new houses in a British mock Tudor style.

16) Build a large prominent Church (under the guise that it is for the whole community) and demand to ring the bells at all hours (this will help achieve aim 14 above).

17) Dress in the England/Scotland/Welsh/Northern Ireland international football strip during Christian festivals.

18) Play Rule Britannia out of your car windows during the summer months very loudly.

19) Demand a local pub and pole dancing club.

20) Re-introduce diseases that were eradicated 40 years ago.

21) Demand equal rights laws for women and homosexuals.

22) Insist that the British women dress in short skirts and expose their flesh.

23) Undermine the local electoral system by ensuring that voting boxes are not tampered with, votes are secret and not tribal based. If elected refuse to represent the local population.

24) Demand that inter breeding between cousins ceases so that the high number of birth defects in the country is reduced.

25) Insult Mohammed and Islam and threaten to kill anyone who questions Christianity.

26) Demand that the death sentence/stoning is abolished.

27) Talk the local language selectively i.e. when locals approach revert to English. When you think they are out of hearing range (i.e on the other side of a supermarket aisle) go back to speaking the local language.

28) Under no circumstances socialise with the locals. In the event that shameful behaviour should occur, such as forming a relationship with a local, quickly re-patriate your daughter to UK without informing the local authorities where and why she has gone.

29) Groom the local children so that they adopt Western values.

30) Refer constantly to the British Community being angry.

31) Whenever a British person commits a crime deny it is true and explain that they come from a very well respected family. Do this while speaking in a pigeon language version of the native language.

32) Whenever local law enforcement agencies come into the British area demand to know what right they have got to come into our area.

33) Whenever a British person commits acts of terrorism claim it never happened and that it has been created by the security services, government and media as a conspiracy against Christianity.

34) Do not send your Children to school during Christian festivals.

35) Refuse to allow your children to visit places of worship of other faiths or learn about other faiths during school lessons.

Good luck! You’ll soon be dead.

It would never happen in Pakistan , Afghanistan or Iraq (or any other country in the world for that matter) except right here in the UK , because we are run by soft, politically correct politicians that are too scared to ‘offend’ anyone.

The above post has been adapted from a comment on another site.


Anonymous said...

Well said, but I think you are being a little sarcastic. Have you noticed a direct similarity between your humourous, yet unbeleivable, situation and certain people in the UK? e.g. The scottish people. (Good beaters!)

Council worker

Shibby said...


Rab C. Nesbitt said...

'Council' and 'worker' should never be in the same sentence, never mind put together!

Anonymous said...

Very well put, An excellent piece of classic english wingeing.
Why not grow a pair & actually do something. E.g. Peaceful lawful rebellion as per article 61 of Magna Carta.
No I suspect you are as addicted to the capitalist system as the rest of the sheep.
Having a fancy website & preaching to the converted shows that you are more intelligent than the average sheep, but still a sheep.
Soz Rab, nowt personal. Loved you when you were on t.v.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

My website is fancy? Ta very much!

Anonymous said...

Peaceful rebellion? Magna Carta? Perhaps just stopping all the fucking about for foreigners might be a step in the right direction. Well said Rab. Lets hope it leads to more saying the same. 'From little acorns'. (Oh God, I sound like that stupid cunt now.)

£50m spent by councils on translaters!! THATS A WASTE OF COUNCIL TAX PAYERS MONEY.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon 4:13

Perhaps you are unaware that Lawful rebellion, if correctly executed, amongst other things exempts you from paying council tax.
Wouldn't it be fun if we all did it. Where would they get their £50m for translators then?
Just a thought. You could do worse than just look into it.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

As a Scot, I'm sure the magna carta doesn't apply to me.

Anonymous said...

@ Rab 6:17

My knowledge is a bit limited about Scotland (being english).
I did a little research & briefly:
Magna Carta is part of Common Law.
England, along with U.S., Australia, N.Z., Canada, and 40 odd small countries, have what is called Common Law Monosystems.
Scotland though is included in a group of countries which have a mixed system of Civil Law and Common Law.
So therin may lie some differences.
However, having said that, there seem to be many Scots who have taken the path of Lawful Rebellion, and if you are interested in this you could check out the website of this guy from Inverness:
and as I say there's a lot more if you are interested and wanna go lookin.
It may not be your cup'o'tea of course, but good luck anyway.

Old Bag said...

well said, rab me old mucker!.this country is turning to shit because of all the fucking immigrants here and no one is allowed to say anything in case it offends someone!..well i say if some raghead gets offended, then they can fuck off back where they came from!..kick 'em all out!!