Friday, September 11, 2009

We're all kiddie fiddlers, apparently

Driving your child to the game tomorrow, probably...


So, everyone is a potential kiddie fiddler then. According to the government anyway. In order to keep the leetle cheeldren safe everyone who helps out in any way with kids activities is to get a criminal record check or face the penalty of a £5000 fine.

So, if your child is in the local under 12's football team and they have an away game you are not allowed to help out by driving a couple of his team mates to the fixture. Even if the kids are pals with your kid or you are friends of the family. You need to have had a 'check' done on you. It's for the cheeldren's safety, you understand.

True to form, the good old government point at the bogeyman to scare the sheeple into compliance and whilst doing so whisper in your ear that it could be YOUR CHILD the bogeyman is interested in.

And when they have gathered all the data the memory stick containing millions of peoples details will be lost or left on a train. Probably.

Bastards.

.

14 comments:

Stasi Britain said...

I think a lot of folk will be saying thank fuck. Now they've got an excuse not to be a taxi driver for friends and families kids.
They can just say " well I'm sorry I've not been vetted by the Stasi yet and I can't afford the £100"

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I never thought of that. Good comment!

Lord Lindley said...

TALIBAN Govt again?

Mish Masher said...

Well considering they are sick, then it's no wonder every idea they come up with will be sick. Including the one where teachers will teach about abortions etc. We've got to tell our children that authority is strange and teachers are strange and not to be trusted.

Dazed and Confused said...

Will this vile government be paying the Islamic communities as much credence as the rest of us potentially "guilty" saps, or has Saudi money pimped their judgement on this issue as well, leaving Muslim communities to police their own, with their sharia courts of the Ummah?

EnglishinEdinburgh said...

So these fucking ministers and MP's who visit schools and handle children in front of the cameras for photo opps have all been checked then ?

Probably not.

Disclosure failures said...

1570 people had their criminal record checks done wrong last year by the Disclosure system. Most wouldn't know about it of course. Just no second interview or laid off after the 3 months trial.
So much for the saying if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear. Not true in our Stasi Kingdom.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/crime/article6736947.ece

Don't Call Me Dave said...

A couple of years ago, I became a school governor. Had to have a CRB check - even though governor meetings took place in the evenings when the children were safely tucked up in bed (or drinking Tescos value sherry in the precinct). I didn’t complain about it at the time, but I was later told that if I wanted to be a governor at another school, I would need another check - even though my existing one is still valid.

You have to pay a fee for every CRB check. The government’s proposals have nothing to do with keeping kids safe. It’s all about making money and creating non jobs for Gordon Brown’s client state.

Gigits said...

More pointless bureacracy. Although the first commenter makes a valid point about it being a good reason for not giving lifts...

Joe Public said...

"EnglishinEdinburgh said...

So these fucking ministers and MP's who visit schools and handle children in front of the cameras for photo opps have all been checked then ?

Probably not."

Probably wrong. Politicians having a CRB check would be just another "Expenses Claim", paid for by us Taxpayers.

Anonymous said...

The recent cases of nursery porn abuse in Plymouth and broken baby bones in Plumtree, Notts. will have been committed ( allegedly ) by staff who will have been CRB checked for years.

It does not and will not work but will lead to an exodus of youth volunteers leaving youngsters to roam the streets at the mercy of pimps, drug pushers, muggers and others who will not be troubling the ISA.

When banning you the ISA will be able to consider "other information " such as unsubstantiated allegations and accusations, possibly including court aquittals on the basis of " no smoke without fire". A Not Guilty verdict thus becomes " you got away with it but we've got you sussed sunshine ".

Dark Lochnagar said...

I understand that these regulations only refer to England and it's dominions of Wales And Northern Ireland. We are having our own regulations. Don't know if they will be the same or not. I have to admit to fiddling with a few 15 year olds in my day but then again I was the same age. Is that allowed?

Uncle Bob said...

I best stop that mass order for Haribo starmix, the buggers'll be onto me now. I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those pesky beureaucrats!

Anonymous said...

I do volunteer tutoring (English - surprise, surprise) at my local Adult Ed & have been CRB'd. However, we're meant to be ISA'd starting next June. As far as I'm concerned, they can go fuck themselves & get another volunteer 'cos this one will be leaving. No, I don't have any dim dark secrets but I simply refuse to submit myself to more state interrogation. I also visit a couple of housebound elderly ladies weekly as part of a local befriending scheme. Again, I've been CRB'd for that but I'll be off if I have to be ISA'd too.