Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Chancellor, translated.

The following is from here.


After listening to the Chancellor of the Exchequer I thought I'd submit my translations. (Please note great reserve and restraint was required and my ability for temperance tested as the minutes past)

Borrowing is lower than forecast last year
We got it wrong in our predictions
Mr. Darling compares other EU countries attainment or no growth to Britain
It doesn't look as bad as it could have been
Mr. Darling talked about prospects of world economy compared with a year ago
We really want you to believe we are rising upward in the recession
Banking bonus tax raised 2 billion, which was higher than expected
We interfered in business via taxation instead not being linked directly to speculative banking but rather production
RBS, Lloyds & Northern Rock shares will be sold at right time to get taxpayers money back
We will not see return on the robbery of taxpayers' investment yet
Plans to ensure everyone can be linked to a bank account
Forced intervention both of banks and up to 1 million individuals in matters of finance for the benefit of taxation
Banks cannot continue to be rewarded for behaving badly
Wants force levy on banking to raise taxes not protect exchange of labour or services via the current currency mechanism
The car scrappage scheme has increased car sales by 30 %
We forced investment (at taxpayers expense) and interference in car sales even though we purport to be wanting green solutions
The number of claimants for benefits were lower
We jiggled the figures by increasing the burden on education thus devaluing the certificates and diplomas thereafter
Extension of youth employment guarantee until March 2012
Increased borrowing for taxpayer funded non-jobs and interference in the private sector
Help for first time buyers - double stamp duty allowance from 125K to 250K for a year
We won't steal the amount we normally do when you enter into a private sale for a home
But to do this we will raise duty to 5% on properties of more than 1 million
We will rob from the rich (that are unaware of loopholes) to pay for the above or borrow to make up the difference with interest
ISA (Individual Savings Accounts) limits will rise from 7,200 to 10,200
You will need to save more as we plan to push ahead with inflation despite what effects it has on the economy and your purchases and how prices will rise as a result
Growth will rise from 3% to 3.5%
We will force inflation through direct and indirect means to create another bubble but in the very short term it will make the deficit look good
Fuel duty to rise in stages of 1% in April then 1% in October and finally 1% in January
We will tax you but the squeeze will be slow and equally painful - We could have lowered the rate thus causing increased sales and equally revenues
Deficit will fall from 11.2% to 5.2 for 2010 - 2014, which will be in line with average for G7 economies
We've been told to reduce the deficit or we will be dropped in our borrowing rating in the world bank borrowing scheme and thus we won't be able to borrow the 160+ billion
Tax revenues for December, January and February were better than expected. VAT receipts were 3 billion higher
If we lower vat people exchange goods and services moreso than if we add taxation/robbery to fund big government
Duty on cider will increase by 10% above inflation from Sunday
We can't tax whiskey any higher, this can be used as an indirect inflationary tax for revenues and might stop some from excessive drinking but those aggressed upon may steal or choose other means as a result but we need the cash
Duty on tobacco will rise by 1% above inflation
Another indirect inflationary tax robbery used, which interferes in commerce (as does most)
No further announcements on VAT, income tax or national insurance
We would like to wait until we (might) get in office before we consider adding this robbery in the form taxation to the back's of individuals
4 billion from reserve for Afghanistan
We will continue failed foreign policies, won't justify how or where this will be spent
Ending people living in the most expensive houses being eligible for housing benefit
Although there is very low housing stock under socialised housing those who fall on hard times will have to find somewhere else to live
Long term plan to relocate 1/3 of civil servants - Ministry of Justice moving 1,000 staff out of London
It will cost the taxpayer to relocate these workers only to find they will probably be relocated back
The next spending settlement, from 2011 onwards, will be toughest for decades
If you thought this was bad - this is the calm before the storm
Banks need to lend more to small and medium businesses
We will force RBS to loan against small and medium businesses but in doing so will have to lower guidelines thus setting up bad debt rather than opening up competition properly. Another offset to this could be delayed business closures

Finally, ask yourself a few questions after reading this.

1. If this form of government works so well then why are there charities picking up the pieces of people's lives that have fallen away?
2. How much taxation are you being robbed for and for what programs that you have asked for?
3. Why would you entrust your responsibilities and, as a result, your hard earned yet chipped away salaries for a government that foresees economic up turns when they neither saw the down turn nor see we are not clear of the bottom?
4. What value are you getting from financial advisor?

The policies are not sound... the figures do not add up... the borrowing continues with interest that must be paid... and each and every reader bares the brunt of these costs. The bigger government becomes the more that must be placed on the backs of the few just high enough not to seek benefits and just low enough not to know how to avoid such taxation. And Labour's phrase was A Future Fair For All? Stop the ride... I want off!


I am Stan said...

Yo Rab,Nanny will do her damndest to stop you "getting off" :-)

Joe Public said...

"Long term plan to relocate 1/3 of civil servants"

Why not make an immediate start by relocating back to Scotland the occupants of 10 & 11 Downing Street.

Dioclese said...

Very similar to my own views! Well said.

You might - or might not - be interested in my blog at where I have posted the original version Mr Darling's evening budget broadcast