Monday, March 1, 2010

Horrible Dragon Threatens Council Worker Fantasy Land

From the excellent Daily Mash...

A LARGE, terrifying dragon is threatening the magical kingdom of massive pensions where no-one ever gets fired.

'Let us cheer ourselves with the Tale of the Massive Golden Pension'
The fearful citizens of Council Worker Fantasy Land say they will surely be burned to a crisp by the fire breathing monster unless they receive urgent anti-dragon money from the people of the Real World that exists beyond the buttercup meadow and the four star country house hotel where the magical training days are held.

Since 1997 Council Worker Fantasy Land has been the happiest place in the world, where grade two fairytale princesses and thousands of badly educated left-wing elves live happily alongside magical dwarves who are not allowed to move your wheelie bin more than 38.3cm.

But now the fearsome dragon that has eaten more 300,000 townsfolk who actually had to work for a living, could ravage the blissful community and its enchanted ability to tell other people what to do.

Roy Hobbs, the £225,000 a year chief executive of Council Worker Fantasy Land, said: "Help us o good and generous people of the realm where bad decisions have actual consequences.

"We have spent all our money on magical diversity training and surely now the dragon will eat 170,000 of us for his tea, which by the way does not contain five portions of fruit or vegetables and leads us to question his ability to raise young dragons."

Helen Archer, a gay and bisexual outreach princess from Doncaster, said: "Good sir, I am most terribly afraid the great dragon will use his massive talons to claw at my seven weeks of enchanted holiday entitlement and force me to justify my magical existence.

"Forsooth I shall have to leave this realm and travel beyond the chestnut wood and the babbling brook and end up working for Carphone Warehouse."

She added: "And by the way, every time you smoke a bewitched tobacco stick in a tavern doorway an enchanted pixie dies of fairy cancer."


Uncle Marvo said...

Nicely dribbled.

Most of my "posher" friends are grubbinsment employees of one sort or another.

I have not many left.

They REFUSE to believe that it is unsustainable. The Golden Pension is their BIRTHRIGHT and DESTINY.


RantinRab said...

Marvo, Their sense of entitlement is astonishing.

Sam Duncan said...

I passed the T&G union's offices in Glasgow the other day; they have posters up saying “Hands off our pensions!”.

And who pays your damn pensions? You only have pensions because Brown got his grubby mitts all over everyone else's five minutes after becoming Chancellor, you theiving bastards. Where were you when he abolished ACT? Fucking cheek.

The T&G can count itself lucky there weren't any half-bricks handy, or they'd be facing a substantial glazing bill. Which the rest of us would have to pay.