Thursday, March 18, 2010

Modern nursery rhymes

I can't be arsed writing anything today. I'm tired, (back at work after two weeks off), my knee is fucking killing me, (work related wear and tear probably) and I'm feeling crabit.

On the upside I managed to replace the headlamp unit on the car. (Monster in Law had a 'wee bump' the other day. She's now limited to using her broomstick).

So, from the Daily Mash, have some Modern British Nursery Rhymes.


Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggie a bone,
When she got there the cupboard was bare because she had spent 13 years creating public sector non-jobs for people with worthless degrees. So the poor little doggie shat in her bed


RUB a dub dub, three men in a tub - Which is a perfectly normal domestic arrangement and exactly the same as a mummy and daddy who are married. Now here's a cartoon that will educate your five year-old about how three men can have sex with each other at the same time. In a bath.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses, And all the King's men
Did not have enough helicopters to put Humpty together again and anyway it's a waste of time because it is a vicious tribal dispute that will continue long after we have been forced to withdraw.

Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, but it will cost you £1.20 a bag because of the government's latest hike in wool duty and the fact that sterling is now worth less than the Albanian Lek.


Half a pound of tuppenny rice,
Half a pound of treacle.
By the way, the chief medical officer says that amount of treacle is really bad for you and that excessive treacle eating is costing this country £14bn a day in lost productivity and exploding children.


More here


5 comments:

Chuckles said...

'Now here's a cartoon that will educate your five year-old about how three men can have sex with each other at the same time. In a bath.'

Where's the soap.. Yes it does rather.

Anonymous said...

Take a break from writing and read this instead - best article I've read about recent events.

http://www.holyrood.com/index.php?option=com_holyrood&func=article&artid=3479&edition=230&brick=2

"One high-ranking Labour insider told me that they had known for three years but kept quiet " really ?

Dazed And Confused said...

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed,
Little Bo Peep was giving him head,
As soon as he came,
She started to weep,
As she knew by the taste,
He'd been shagging her sheep.

Conan the Librarian™ said...

Mary had a little pig
It was always gruntin
So she tied it to a table leg
And kicked it's little cuntin

banned said...

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
The Chief medical officer came down and said
You didn't aughta
And this is why
Have you correctly carried out a health and safety assesment on slip hazard, cow pat soiling hazard or the likelihood of inapproriate adults trying to photograph you. Do you have an NVQ (L1) in water transportation. No? Thought not.

Meanwhil from Dick Puddlecote
" Anonymous said...
Sing a song of sixpence
A pocket full of rye
Four-and-twenty blackbirds
On David Cameron's all inclusive Conservative candidates list
x
18 March 2010 01:58
" LOL