Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Mr Daltrey gives flu advice

WHO raises swine flu alert level

Roger Daltrey, renowned 60's catterwaller for the popular musical combo 'The Who', has raised the alert level for the swine flu pandemic from 'Don't worry, it's only affecting non white foreigners' to 'Fuck me, it's over here'.

In a statement issued by his secretary/nurse, he stated, "Flu can be nasty at the best of times, but for people of my g g g g g g generation it's fucking deadly".

He goes on to list a series of common sense measures that the public can take in order to protect themselves. These include, -

Binning any packets of Doritos that may be in your cupboards

Avoiding the 'Old El Paso' section of your local supermarket

Killing all donkeys

Ensuring that your kids don't watch any Speedy Gonzales cartoons

Make sure you pronounce tortillas as 'tor till az' and not 'tort eea'

Destroying any Jennifer Lopez CDs and DVDs you may own, even though she is not Mexican but you can't be too carefull.

The other long term member of the Who was unavailable for comment as he was too busy looking at kiddie porn on the internet while 'researching' for his 'book'.


Chalcedon said...

The WHO has given up on the outbreak saying that it is now uncontainable. Lucky it wasn't bloody Ebola virus then isn't it?

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Scary stuff indeed. Even worse than the dreaded manflu.

Gigits said...

Apparently, Swine Flu starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy begins to experience an itchy rash, then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system, severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling. At this point, the entire digestive system collapses accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence. Until finally, the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering wasted piece of jelly.

The Penguin said...

Classic stuff. The Kids Are Alright, though, and I Can See For Miles (if I put my fucking glasses on!)

The Penguin