It was late afternoon on a nice spring day when Sandy made it home from the pensioners club. He visited the club two or three times a week and enjoyed the company. Being one of the few males at the club meant he was the attention for a few of the old dear's affections, which he relished, although he would never admit it.
Turning the key in the door he pushed it open. He knew straight away something was wrong as his cat shot out the door like a bat out of hell. He had 'visitors' when he was out.
A few hours later, the polis turned up. (After all, they had motorists to harrass and demonstrators to 'kettle').
"Anything missing Sandy?" asked the officer.
"Aye son" rasped Sandy, "Ma wee telly and video, ma war medals and ma pension book".
The officer duly noted down the missing items in his notebook.
"But that's no the worst o it son", said Sandy, beckoning him to the kitchen. Pointing at a pot sitting on the stove old Sandy wailed, "the durty bastards shat into ma pot o stew".
Shocked, the officer blurted out, "that's fucking disgusting...."
"A know son, a know" said Sandy, with a tear in his eye, "a hud to chuck hauf o it oot".
footnote - I know it's an old tale, but it makes me smile everytime I hear it!
footnote 2 - The comments button appears to be fecked on this post.