Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Sword fighting season open!

The recent bout of fair weather has prompted the bringing forward of the summer sword fighting season, a spokesman for the North Ayrshire Swordfighting Tournament Invigilators, (NASTI), announced earlier today.

Traditionally, the season starts in May when reasonable weather can be expected, but the combination of sunshine and shirtless drunken locals roaming the streets in Mid April has unexpectedly kicked off the season.

This year the use of bottles, particularly Buckfast bottles, have been banned as a point scoring weapon due to the large amounts of bevvy spilt last year. Purists of the sport welcomed this announcement and hopes are high that the sport goes 'back to basics' with the sole use of bladed weapons.

Sadly, last years champion, Big Tam McBam, is unable to defend his crown as he is currently in a coma in the local general hospital after a particularly nasty glassing incident suffered in the town's Weatherspoons pub. His partner is still in police custody after being charged in connection with the incident.

The blood transfusion service have launched the annual 'Please give blood' campaign earlier than usual and have set up their mobile unit in Morrison's car park.

A spokesman for Strathclyde Police this morning said, 'Aww fuck, no again'.


Gigits said...

Simply brilliant!

Faux Cu said...

On a lighter note I used to have a Bullterrier wot I imported from Sheffield aged 3 months into France. He was real yin, pirate eye and jaws like Jaws. Mon Dieu Pit Bool!

I called him Tam cause he was a Bam, nice but 35 kg nice and with a deceiving smilen and waggy tail.

We registered him with The Kennel Club in London, as Tam Le Bam de Condom, and they accepted it.

He kept the various itinerant local thieving class away; they passed on the sign not to go in.

I had a laminated photo of him mounted on a post at the edge of the property saying he can make it from the house to here in 7 seconds, what about you?

Nae probs.

Keep up the test scripts