Thursday, July 30, 2009

Teaching Maths throughout the years...

1. Teaching Maths In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is 80% of the price.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80.
How much was his profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for £100.
His cost of production is £80 and his profit is £20.
Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Maths In 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habit of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and squirrels might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of £20.

6. Teaching Maths In 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling licence. He is also fined a £100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another £100 because he is such an easy target. When he is released he returns to find Gypsies have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further £100. While he is in jail the Gypsies cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for £100 cash. They also have a leaving BBQ of squirrel and pheasant and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The logger on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced £12,000 plus VAT for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make £20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

7. Teaching Maths In 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub- prime mortgages in Alabama and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses.

The logger struggles to pay the £1,200 road tax on his old lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it.

Some Bulgarian loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to the UK with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay £1,500 registration fees as a gang master.

The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonus's are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.
You do the maths.

8. Teaching Maths 2017
أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من اجل 100 دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من
الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟

With thanks to MrMac...

16 comments:

microdave said...

That is one of the best posts I've seen for ages!

Just a shame that it is very close to the truth.....

Fullonface said...

That is so true! Laugh it made me cry :0

The Last Of The Few said...

If wit was shit you would have diarrhoea.

Very funny

TheBigYin said...

Another rib aching post Rap. Bloody excellent. Another one for the forum methinks.

Angry Old Man said...

Very Close to the truth.

Sue said...

tee hee... :)

depressed said...

2025

The gas has run out.
The country has gone broke.
Oil is so expensive only millionaires can afford it.
Because all politicians do is talk, no alternative energy sources have been developed.
Health and safety forbid the mining of coal.
Because last winter was so bad, and people were freezing, every tree in the land has been cut down and burnt.
Now there are no logging questions and logging is consigned to the history books.
Oh, sorry, all the books went on the fire last winter too.

Edgar said...

Satire is at its best when you start off laughing but end up with a too-true-for-comfort feeling. It was all there, Rab. This is excellent.

VotR said...

5 + 5 = 55

The Big Dollop said...

Rab Ya Bam

The world is made up of Three kinds of people - those who can count and those who can't !

CryBaby said...

Brilliant!

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Big D, very good!

I wish I could take the credit, but a good friend of mine e mailed it to me this morning. It's too good not to post!

Anonymous said...

Uncomfortably excellent. Thanks for posting Rab.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Excellente Roberto y su marida es muy guapa.

Barking Spider said...

I have to agree with Big D, Rab - laughing like mad at the beginning progressing all the way to "oh, shit" at the end - brilliant!

AngryDave said...

Brilliant!
It would have been funnier if it was not true.