Thursday, August 13, 2009

I hate my neighbours.

Yes, I hate my neighbours. Not all of them, most I just look at with a sneer. The neighbours to one side of me are fine, not a peep from them. I admit that I do not know their names, but that's modern life I suppose.

Now, the neighbours to the other side of us are a different matter. They haven't really done anything to piss me off, it's all a combination of small things. Plus they seem to have a better standard of living than us without the inconvenience of having to work.

When we moved into our house at the beginning of last year we did so with some trepidation. We needed a house quickly as we were living in a private let. Very nice and quiet it was too, but too expensive. We applied for a council house and got offered one fairly quickly. When the offer came through we jumped into the car armed with a street map of the town, (we are not 'locals'), and searched for the street. First impressions were not good. The street was and still is a dump. Inhabited by the zombiefied living dead flotsam of the benefit system.

The house itself is good, a spacious layout, plenty of cupboards, large rooms and decent sized garden with off road parking. It's great, (although desperately needing some decent decorating which I would normally have done by now, but we have reasons for not doing so, perhaps one day I will blog on the reasons why), but the area is not. If the town we live in can be compared to a human being, our street would be the arsehole.

Nobody bothers us directly, because we do not bother anyone else. And that's the way we like it.

Back to the subject of my ejaculation. The neighbours 'through the wall'.

Both households have the same amount of people living in it. My household is a 'working' household. They are not. They have a bigger TV than us and a sky dish. They enjoy getting pissed several times a week, I rarely drink. They manage to overfill two wheeliebins, we barely fill our sole wheelie bin. We own a Ford Escort, they own a souped up Vauxhall Vectra with a big noisy fuck off exhaust system. The local kebab shop delivery service is a frequent visitor to their door.

In their back garden, which is separated from ours by a four foot high wire fence, sits two old cars. Both are 'works in progress' although the lazy bastard is never near them. Two large German Shepard dogs inhabit the garden for most of the day and late into the night, barking at everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. They are never exercised and one is aggressive, particularly towards children. During hot sunny days normally the scent of barbeque's is what you would expect. Not us, our nostrils are assaulted with the smell of sun baked dog shit.

They bark all day long and late into the night. No effort is made to stop them by their 'owners'. I have came to the conclusion that they are deaf. They must be! It's the dogs that really get on my tits. I'm not a cruel person, but I would easily beat them to death with a baseball bat, swiftly followed by the neanderthal owner. I know it's not the dog's fault, but the constant barking grates on your nerves. It's affecting the quality of our lives. My wife's eight year old brother cannot play in our back garden, the dogs go bananas. The neighbours do nothing.

We don't really speak to the neighbours. When we moved in I tried to strike up a conversation, but all I got back was a grunt and a mongified expression. At least I tried. I doubt any conversation about their dogs will have the desired outcome.

We hope to move as soon as we can. We are expecting the patter of tiny feet and I do not want to bring up kids in this environment.

You know what the really sad thing is? I am not unique. The same is repeated countless times in every town and city. The country is inhabited by selfish, self absorbed people who have no idea of the impact they are having on others. Bastards.


Anonymous said...

Much as I hate recommending any 'snitching' you should complain to the Council about the dogs barking. They (the Council) can & should do something about it.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

It's totally against everything I stand for. I think I'll purchase a baseball bat...

fausty said...

Why would they need alsatians? If they don't walk their dogs, they can't be dog lovers, so perhaps they're there to ward off the 'nosey'.

Shortly after I moved into my flat (after separating), I got chatting to a local in my area's shopping centre.

She asked where I lived, I told her and she asked: "Isn't that where the crack house is?".

Chuckling, I told her "no!".

A week later, all the occupants of the flat above mine were arrested for possessing crack.

They had two alsatians.

Make a recording of the barking with the windows open and with the windows closed, and send the recording to your council.

hermit said...

Years ago I lodged at a house that sounds similar to yours. A neighbourhood dog used to frequent the back garden. The lady of the house went out back one day and the dog fled over the wire fence, but managed to get its leg trapped in the wire and was left dangling by its back leg. When she went to free it, it savaged her arm. I took her to the hozzy, and she returned with her hand and arm below the elbow bandaged.
Later, I saw the dog in the front garden this time. I cajoled it up to me and gave it a hearty thwack on its hind quarters with the palm of my hand.
Half hour later comes a knock on the door. Plod. I had been reported for smacking the dog. I told him the whole story and showed the evidence, the lady's bandaged arm. He wasn't the least interested in her arm, or the dog, and told me that if I was reported again I would be up on a charge.
Moral of the story: Don't let anyone see you with that baseball bat Rab.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure about the law in Scotland but in England you can get an injunction served against them for noise nuisance after which they can be thrown in jail.
Just need a bit of evidence on tape and some statements from other witnesses and the council can throw them out aswell.

Anonymous said...

I think the RSPCA have more powers. If you are concerned about the dogs' welfare, call the RSPCA.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I don't give a shit about the dogs welfare. I just want them to go away.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you Rab, we had to move because of next doors dog once, I love dogs and wouldn`t have thought I would ever hurt one but this bastard I shot with a bow and arrow through the letterbox one sunday morning because it wouldn`t stop howling, didn`t kill it unfortunately but made me feel better. Don`t like falling out with the neighbours so waited until we had moved then went back and belted the bugger in the kisser

Scotch Egg said...

"The country is inhabited by selfish, self absorbed people who have no idea of the impact they are having on others."
Sounds to me like you're jealous of their lifestyle.They seem to be much more happy than you.You seem to be working far too hard for your happiness.The trinkets you buy don't seem to be having the desired effect because your neighbours have better baubles.Instead of getting a better job or changing the way things are or using the existing legislation on them,"It's totally against everything I stand for. I think I'll purchase a baseball bat" want to swing a bat at the focal point of your envy...
Excellent politics there.If you can't get those offending your bullshit standards to conform,beat their innocent dog senseless.Libertarian?Surely in a libertarian britain we aren't expected to be judge jury and executioner?Why is going to the council against everything you stand for?
Who is at fault here?Someone who plays a broken system and gets everything he needs for "nothing" or the idiot who slaves away his daylight hours in the same broken system for a fraction of his worth which he spends on shit that doesn't make him happy because he thinks his neighbour has it better?

You don't want to bring up children in this environment,yet you say its the same all over.Will you do the right thing for your unborn demondimspawn then, and not have children?no you won't,because you're just as selfish as the cunt next door.

What is it about you scottish and your ridiculous superiority complex?Your country is as fucked as England.The same cunts at the top raped us both.Divide and conquer is the british way.Everytime you spout stereotypical anti english "humour",northern peasants scared of meteors v southern chinless pansies,rangers or celtic,catlick or proddydog,you do the cunts bidding. we lose they win.
I had high hopes for the libertarian movement.For a while you sounded like a sensible alternative.As time's passed though,you sound more and more like a bunch of tories without the pretence of a social concience.I expect libertarian bile to cease once the tories are in power because they will pander to your wallet.You're all about the money and NIMBY.
You despise your neighbour.He is nothing but a drain on your income.Theres millions of them spoiling bonny scotland/glorious england for you and your perfect family.
This government is not left wing.this is a fascist trojan horse.Who here will ever vote labour again?We are mired in an illegal war of aggression,using illegal weaponry.The country is a fucking panopticon.People are being swept off the streets and being flown to arab shitholes to be tortured.The banks have just pulled off a massive swindle that will have your great grandchildren living in poverty,a dodgy as fuck "virus" is sweeping the world
and you want to silence a neighbours dog with a baseball bat.
We are fucked.Your neighbour realises that.If you want to carry on slaving in an insane system,you're a fucking idiot.

Scotch Egg said...

"Later, I saw the dog in the front garden this time. I cajoled it up to me and gave it a hearty thwack on its hind quarters with the palm of my hand."
Dogs aren't can't hit a dog hours after the crime and expect it to know wtf you're being an aggressive arsehole for.You've taught it to mistrust humans,which was its problem to start with.Plod was right to caution you for your insane cruelty to an innocent ANIMAL.An adult dog has the intelligence of a 2 yr old child.You physically abused the equivalent of a mentally defective toddler.You punish a dog on the spot for its crime,half an hour later you teach it to treat humans as a threat.
"didn`t kill it unfortunately but made me feel better."
Hope your kid gets an anonymous arrow through the fucking neck you selfish cunt.
"Don`t like falling out with the neighbours so waited until we had moved then went back and belted the bugger in the kisser"
Cowardly little tyrant.Die of bowel cancer you ugly little shit.
What wonderful warm human beings you have supporting your cause Rab.fuck your blogging award - look at the brutal inhuman swine who voted for you.You are a selfish xenophobic cunt and your fans are fucking monsters.

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

It must be a full moon tonight!

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

I'll reply to your comments at some point Mr Egg.

hermit said...

Scotch Egg

I did not injure the dog. I merely smacked it - once.
I'm well aware of the crime/punishment association. Even I am not stupid enough to imagine the dog thought the smack was for an incident earlier that day. It was intended to discourage the dog from coming into the garden. It worked as far as I can remember. The incident, brought to mind by the article, took place 38 years ago.
It is probably pointless telling you, but I have never deliberately injured an animal, but I have rescued quite a few.

The Young Oligarch said...

Whatever you do , Rab , don't contact the Anti-Social Taskforce guys from the council . They are absolute pish .

All I got from them was a lot of paperwork (for me to fill out) and zero action . That and more noise from bastard , in-bred scum of neighbours and the occasional rammy with them in the close .

I'd recommend a flame-thrower , but the evidence is difficult to hide .

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

Aye, Young Oligarth, no point I suppose.

And Scotch Egg, go fuck yourself you fucking cretin.

Anonymous said...

Cheap cut of beef...
add... Rat poison....

Problem solved.

Anonymous said...

I own a dog, and I do not let it bark all the time. I also do not let it crap everywhere or bite people. Not all dog-owners are witless blankets. However, there is someone in the same road who lets their dog crap on my lawn. Now THAT dog I think I should be allowed, or even rewarded, to shoot the FUCKING thing DEAD. Then I should be allowed to hang its pelt by my gate with a reasonable explanation. Should its owner call on me I should be entitled to ram all the faecal matter it deposited on my lawn down their FUCKING stupid THROAT.
So I want you to see that I am a rational, caring dog owner. Also, I see that all you want is to live in a common sense society. Well they were all smothered at Pompei or however it is spelled so you are outnumbered. Sod the dogs, poison THEIR OWNER, get to the root of the problem.

Anonymous said...

Your job as a future mother is to learn the god's ways and to help your child understand despite the negative reinforcement and conditioning of today's society. Without consciousous parents the child will have no hope, and may even exaserbate their disfavor by becoming corrupted in today's environment.
Your ultimate goal is to fix your relationship wiith the gods and move on. You don't want to be comfortable here, and the changes in Western society in the last 100 years has achieved just that.
1000 years with Jesus is the consolation prize. Don't be deceived into thinking that is the goal.

The gods tempt people for which they are most weak. Artificial Intelligence will create desire in people's minds for the following sins:::
1. Alcohol
2. Drugs
3. Preditory "earning"
4. Homosexuality
5. Gambling
6. Something for nothing/irresponsibility (xtianity)
7. Polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny (Islam)
Much like the other prophets Mohhamed (polygamy/superiority over women/misogyny) and Jesus (forgiveness/savior), the gods use me for temptation as well. In today's modern society they feel people are most weak for popular culture/sensationalism, and the clues date back to WorldWarII and Unit731:TSUSHOGO, the Chinese Holocaust.
It has been discussed that, similar to the Matrix concept, the gods will offer a REAL "Second Coming of Christ", while the "fake" Second Coming will come at the end and follow New Testiment scripture and their xtian positioning. I may be that real Second Coming.
What I teach is the god's true way. It is what is expected of people, and only those who follow this truth will be eligible to ascend into heaven as children in a future life. They offered this event because the masses have just enough time to work on and fix their relationship with the gods and ascend, to move and grow past Planet Earth, before the obligatory xtian "consolation prize" of "1000 years with Jesus on Earth" begins.

The Prince of Darkness, battling the gods over the souls of the Damned.
It is the gods who have created this environment and led people into Damnation with temptation. The god's positioning proves they work to prevent people's understanding.
How often is xtian dogma wrong? Expect it is about the Lucifer issue as well.
The fallen god, fighting for justice for the disfavored, banished to Earth as the fallen angel?
I believe much as the Noah's Flood event, the end of the world will be initiated by revelry among the people. Revelry will be positioned to be sanctioned by the gods and led for "1000 years with Jesus on Earth".
In light of modern developments this can entail many pleasures:::Medicine "cures" aging, the "manufacture" of incredible beauty via cloning as sex slaves, free (synthetic) cocaine, etc.
Somewhere during the 1000 years the party will start to "die off", literally. Only those who maintain chaste, pure lifestyles will survive the 1000 years. They will be the candidates used to (re)colonize (the next) Planet Earth, condemned to relive the misery experienced by the peasantry during Planet Earth's history.
If this concept of Lucifer is true another role of this individual may be to initiate disfavor and temptation among this new population, the proverbial "apple" of this Garden of Eden. A crucial element in the history of any planet, he begins the process of deterioration and decay that leads civilizations to where Planet Earth remains today.

Only children go to heaven. By the time you hit puberty it is too late. This is charecteristic of the gods:::Once you realize what you have lost it is too late.
Now you are faced with a lifetime to work to prepare for your next chance. Too many will waste this time, getting stoned, "Hiking!", working, etc.