Sunday, August 2, 2009

Viz top tips, an occasional series...

MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.

4 comments:

microdave said...

Won't work - they'll prosecute you for having an "offensive" shell.....

Gigits said...

Viz "Top Tips" - always excellent!

Barking Spider said...

I remember one tip that went something along the lines of - if you want to pull a top supermodel on a night out, drink plenty of vodka and you'll go home with Helena Christiansen. However, should things look vastly different in the morning, drink the emergency bottle of vodka that you stashed under your pillow and, "Hey Presto!", Claudia Schiffer!

Viz reader said...

Never wear high heels on a soggy lawn.
Save money on expensive binoculars - move closer to your subject.
Stop that clunk, clink, clunk coming from your tumble dryer- cut off your shirt buttons.
Friendly fire isn't.
If the enemy are within range then so are you.
Never answer the phone when you're ironing.


All from Viz I think !