Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Real life Sat Nav

You have arrived at your destination....insanity.

Coming soon to a shop near you. The new Sat Nav with a fantastic new feature. A quick browse of the menu and a prod at the touch screen and you are in 'partner' mode. Select your gender and away you go! Men, press the 'missus' button straight away you think your other half is sitting in the passenger seat.

Phrases include -

'You're going to fast, slow down a bit it's not a race'.

'Just stop and ask someone for christ sake, it doesn't make you less of a man'.

'Ooooh, that car is a nice colour'.

'Look at the state of her, doesn't she look in the mirror before she leaves the house'.

As a special bonus, this feature also includes a 'generic ramblings' option. It spouts un-interesting nonsense that you can safely ignore. However, to test your 'man skills', it will pause now and again to ensure that you grunt or agree with the rambling nonsense spouted by the Sat Nav, to ensure you never screw up when actually 'listening' to your missus.

To cater for the female driver, there is also a 'my bloke' option. Selected phrases with this option include, -

'For fuck sake, they're at amber'.

'Your in the wrong fucking lane, woman'.

'Where the fuck did he get his licence, a lucky bag'.

'Look at the state of that cunt'.

'Jesus Christ, look at the state of that Corsa, it looks like it ram raided Halfords'.

'It's a fucking 40, you're only doing 30'.

Included in this feature are bodily function sounds.

Upgrade your Sat Nav by purchasing downloadable extras such as 'Kids fighting in the back' and 'Grandfather moaning that the music is too loud'.



Catosays said...

I've had one of those SatNavs for 30 years...noisy bastard thing it is too!

Alan Wallace Jury Team said...

I've got one of those. I call it twat-nav.

microdave said...

What do I need a Sat Nav for? I'm old enough to be able to read a bloody map! So I don't make a habit of driving into rivers, or down mountain tracks....

In any case, I'd rather have one of these:

H/T Obo The Clown.