Friday, May 22, 2009

Pikey Prison Food



"Hurry, we'll be late for visiting"


Chief Inspector of Prisons Dame Anne Owers criticed HMP Parkhurst in a recent report for not meeting the gourmet 'needs' of travellers who are no longer travelling due to being caught and banged up for a stretch.

Great strides have been made in recent years to meet the needs of the ethnically diverse prison population as far as food goes, halal menus are offered as well as other religious sustenance 'needs'. Apparently.

However Dame Anne is concerned that travellers needs are not being met by the prison service, particularly at HMP Parkhurst. She demands that they be treated as a seperate 'ethnic group' and in an unannounced inspection last year criticised the prison for failing to implement her recommendations from four years earlier. She must be unable to sleep at night, poor dear.

Dame Anne along with her role as Chief Inspector of Prisons is also the chairperson for Christian Aid and before her current role as our servant was the director of JUSTICE, a law reform and human rights group.

So, we have a righteous hand wringing ex campaigner as the Chief Inspector for Prisons. Great.

How the fuck did 'travellers' become an 'ethnic' minority anyway? I thought they were white?

In my humble opinion, the menu in the big house should be 'take it or leave it'. Special menus geared towards religious or otherwise can be offered, but the difference in cost should be paid for by the prisoner somehow. Medical needs are of course exempted.

I have managed to get a copy of the menu recommended for travellers.


Menu


Cream of tomato soup (stolen)
Prawn cocktail (stolen)

Roast beef and yorkshire pudding (stolen)
Fish and chips (stolen)

Apple crumble and custard (stolen)
German stollen (stolen)

Tea/Coffee (stolen)


Diners are reminded to leave all crockery/cutlery
lying around the area (if not stolen)

Flea bitten dogs and general rubbish
including human faeces can be distributed
in the dining area upon request

Enjoy your meal you pikey bastard

ps, our driveway is fine for the moment

9 comments:

microdave said...

The scruffy bastards scrub remarkably well, don't they?

And even if my driveway does need some work doing, you can be bloody sure that pikeys won't get the job....

Rab C. Nesbitt said...

They look as if they would be a great burl!

Tory Poppins said...

What the fuckety fuck fuck fuck?
FIRSTLY I can't believe they're serving HALAL meat? Like, if I was banged up in a Saudi jail (apart from the fact that I probably couldn't eat very well due to my hands first being cut off) can you imagine them serving me up a Roast Pork Sunday dinner with a nice glass of Chablis to go with it?

As for "travellers" . . .dont get me started.
I'm FUMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

The Prison Menu ought to consist wholly & exclusively of:-

Bacon, Ham, Pork Sausages, Spam, & Trotters.

It might not do much for prisoners health, but certain sections of the population might be deterred from committing crimes.

Old Bag said...

fuck 'em. id let the cunts starve. it wouldnt make very popular, but so fucking what. so pikeys are now "minorities", huh? what a load of bollocks! all pikeys do is travel about, paying for fuck-all, stealing anything not nailed down, making anyplace they settle into a warzone whilist looking like shit and smelling like it....they can all fuck off, the sponging cunts.

Chalcedon said...

The thieving bastard pikey scum are white and usually Irish. Now, look, if you want your drive tarmacing that will be 10 grand in cash or we'll break your legs. Innit, begorrah?

Screech said...

fuck em, rag heads and pikeys, ias long as the food will not physically harm them then they should eat what thy are fucking given, they commited crimes so they should be punished not fucking pampered, it really fucks me off when the authorities pander to parasites like this.

Barking Spider said...

OB's pretty much covered my thoughts on the matter except for the XL steaming turd on their plate at meal times.

Anonymous said...

Listen to yourselves. Bigoted ignoramuses. In my opinion, most of you belong in prison for spreading hate. I can imagine how you would bleat about the conditions there. Also, word of advice, try to work on your sense of humour because you just sound like nasty hateful cunts.